There is nothing I love more about being a mom than the chance to clean up and take care of human feces. This is a regular occurrence as there are 3 little people who don't necessarily have that part of their body under control at all times and in all things and in all places. And this week I was BLESSED to take care of a number of these incidents.
(can you just feel the sarcasm dripping down your screen???)
The first involved Jenna. Now, when Jenna has to go to the bathroom, she has to GO to the bathroom. No ifs, ands, or buts (not pun intended). She's just GOTTA go. We went to a new park the other day--we hadn't been there very long (5 minutes or so) and she runs up to me and tells me she needs to go to the bathroom.
DANG.
We weren't in an area I was familiar with and I had no idea where the closest bathroom was. Plus, I had JUST taken the kids out of the car...it's a lot of work to get everyone in and out! We have had a few times where Jenna has just had to take care of her #1 under the farthest tree around because there was really no other option. But there usually aren't people around. Not the case on this particular day. I was frantically running scenarios through my mind like a choose your own adventure book from back in the day...
I ignored the people and scanned the park. No real trees...but wait! At the edge of the park there was a tree with leaves. At least she would be somewhat covered and not the center of attention. I made sure she ONLY needed to pee--she assured me it was only that. I handed her some wipes and sent her on her way. A few seconds later our eyes met from across the park and I KNEW something wasn't going as planned. Sure enough, upon running over to check on her, she had done a #2 and was terrified about it. I really think she was just as surprised as I was. :)
I was MORTIFIED! Trying to think quickly, I lifted her up carefully as possible to avoid stepping on the "log". Almost instantly it camouflaged in with the leaves. Could not see it anywhere! Double mortified! We got her cleaned up and sanitized and she was on her way to play. That was that. I just said a prayer that nobody would be over in that area and it would decompose really, REALLY quickly.
Fast forward...PAYBACK. The next day we went to try to take a couple family pictures in a very wooded area. Of course, lots of beautiful leaves. I had Jenna sit down in the leaves and throw some in the air. We never made it to the "leaves in the air" part. Why? Because she was sitting in someone/something elses poop. On her shoes, her pants, her socks, her hand...it was so gross.
I could only wonder if someone else had let their kid do their business under that tree...
Realistically, it was probably a dog since I am sure 99% of all parents out there wouldn't do what I did and in fact are now glaring at my blog as they read this very post. :)
Apparently, we had pretty loose bowels over here this week because yesterday Kaden had a little bout of diarrhea all over his bedroom floor (have I mentioned yet how GLAD I am that we do not have carpet in our bedrooms???). Never have I felt so GRATEFUL to be a mom than when I was shoveling piles of brown gunk into a bag with a spatula.
Being a mom has good time and bad times...but some times are just plain stinky.
OH, And discalimer to the picture posted with this--contrary to what you might be thinking, that is actually a giant blackberry that we got from the West Side Market. Brandon informed me it looked like poop...and since I am most certainly not going to showcase any of that, I am substituting a look-alike. :)
16 comments:
Whew! So glad to know that picture is NOT poop... I was like, Oh no she didn't!
This post made me laugh until I cried. Really, I am still wiping the tears (and mascara!) from under my eyes. The spatula? I have SOOOOO been there. I can't stop giggling. (And shuddering with revulsion.)
As for Jenna, you did what you had to. Given the situation, I would probably have done the same. Obviously karma got you back, so consider yourself at peace with the universe. *wink*
Anyone who says that they wouldn't have done the same thing has never been there! Oh the places we'll let them poop in an emergency!
How funny. Seriously, I'll say it again...are you living my life too??
Poor Jenna getting covered in Poo though, Alli would have gone insane and there would have been a mega-fit thrown.
Ohh I love that I'm not the only one these things happen to.
I love how openly honest you are about the down and dirty parts of your life. I think most of us aren't that different; I just don't have the gumption to plaster it on the internet.
It sounds to me like you're just being a Mom, in all the dirty glory that Mom's get to experience. At least you don't get stuck in it; you see the great parts of life and move through the stinky as quickly as possible.
You are SO funny!!!!!! That's a good one!
I think that every mother would let their daughter poop under a tree if that was the only option other than her pants. I would.
You poor thing! I hate cleaning poop - one of the least favorite jobs of any mother, I think. Way to keep your sense of humor about it. :-)
hahaha, that was classic and so dang funny! I have had many nightmarish bathroom episodes as well, so you are not alone!! Why don't they teach us about those "joys of motherhood" beforehand? it should seriously be a class offered at school or one of the requirements in Young Women "Learn how to clean up and sanitize a young child's poop/and or throw-up and share what you learned with your leaders and class...."
haha, yeah, when I read the title and then saw the pic I was thinking to myself "Rachel, did you really just post a picture of poop. I looked a little closer and saw some purple which would make for really unhealthy pooh. I decided in indeed was not pooh however I was very curious throughout the post. The ending was kind of like the heroic cuplet of a sonnet. Very resolved.
I've had a similar pee incident however it involved Conny instead of one of my children. hahaha I'm glad we have not had our 'payback' yet.
Wow! That is pretty gross and pretty funny. I can't believe Jenna sat in poop...during family pictures of all times.
We went on a walk right after I read your post and every time Emma ran through a pile of leaves I found myself checking her shoes. We made it home clean though.
I am laughing so hard. Thanks for being so honest even with embarassing situations!! And I'm very grateful that was just a giant blackberry!
I love your blog, Rachel. Sorry you've had a more poopy than normal week. :) Hope things look up in that area!! :)
The best story. Love it. Don't feel bad...Tyler had a #2 in the park story too. I felt bad but now I just laugh!!
I'm laughing so hard right now, I think I just made a stinky!!!
no just kidding, but this was hilarious! I love your days, love them love them!
You. ARE. the BEST.
I really had a good laugh with this post! Some day you are going to read back over these and really laugh!
Wow this is worse than my poop story! Holy crap! (Lol)
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