Emotional

Clearly, pregnancy is an emotional time. It's the high of highs and the low of lows. But I think pregnancy during times of life stresses is like the big kahuna of all emotion.

I think that's what I am going through. And it stinks.

I found myself sitting in a Great Clips hair salon today, fighting back tears while waiting my turn in line to get a hair trim. My haircuts are few and far betweeen...I just can't justify the cost, no matter how good it is for the well being of my hair. But usually when I DO go, it's around my birthday, and I treat myself to a real salon...the one that gives you cookies and cheese, treats you to drinks, takes your coat from you, and gives great scalp massages with the lovely smelling shampoo. It's relaxing. It's rejuvenating. And to leave with a new do all done up and feeling like a million bucks, feels great. And since I don't have the cost of dying, highlighting, perming, or otherwise changing my hair, I figure my $30 haircut is a fun splurge twice a year.

But fear of the unknown has changed that idea of being okay to take a fun splurge like that.

I have felt completely frumpy lately. The long, drawn out winter, lack of decent maternity clothes, being in that awkward chunky stage, and a dowdy hairdo have all contributed to feeling really down about myself. I was just wanting that pick-me-up that would somehow make everything feel a little bit sunnier.

And yet, this is the year--the year where our expenses will rise...just how much, we don't know. With applications to residency, travel to externships, interview costs, etc. it's tough to know how much to budget for things...

and so, having no control over things to come, I am trying to spend as little as possible...just to make sure we have enough for the things that really matter. A haircut fit into that category of things to spend less on...

thus taking me to Great Clips...where after adding up the extras for a haircut (like $3 for a shampoo, $5 for a style, etc.) I decided to go bare bones and just get the basic cut...For whatever reason, this made me so emotional. I sat there staring out the window, waiting my turn, and fighting to hold back tears. At one point they started spilling out and down my cheeks and I almost turned and ran out the door right then.

Things got progressively worse when my turn came up...and the stylist who had a slot open happened to be the only person in the whole place who wasn't in her 20's...and who, in fact, had a hairstyle that looked to have come right out of the early 80's. She said her name 3 times before we got started, and I fought back those tears through the whole haircut...listening to a deep accent with a conversation full of "nuttin's" and hearing that I have "REAL nice hair" (italics added for the southern drawl)...and sat confused when asked over and over when technique she wanted me to use on my hair. If i knew, I would cut it myself. :)

It was just not the "take me away" pampering I think I have longed for. And even though I am a super-saver and love a bargain, I felt so emotional over this darn haircut.

I came home and bawled to Brandon.

And then I laughed at myself.

And cried some more.

Being an emotional wreck sure takes it's toll on a girl. :)

Snow Day

Today we got the long-awaited phone call...a SNOW day.

I was THRILLED. No running here and there, no getting people places on time. Just staying home, doing whatever we want, wearing whatever we want...sigh.

We had a fun morning together. The kids drew pictures and then worked on making snow art...


We did a project like this with rain before, but I thought it would be fun to see how it worked with snow too. Pretty simple...color on coffee filters with markers, place on a cookie sheet, take out to get snowed (or rained on) for a few minutes. We brought ours in with snow still on it, and let the magic happen as the snow melted--it swirled the colors all together and made pretty designs.


In honor of our huge snowstorm, I made the kids a snowball fight for lunch...a chicken nugget, hiding behind a pile of snow (mashed potatoes) with a few potato snowballs on the ground. Funny thing is, Jenna claims to hate mashed potatoes...but she ate a pile of snow with not a single problem. Ironic, right??

I showered and got ready for the day by putting on a t-shirt and the most comfy yoga pants I have. We didn't leave the house one single time (well, except to dig out the driveway...) and it was SO wonderful to have no timeline...just us hanging out. We played, we cleaned, we made pizza for dinner...just an all around relaxed kind of day.

If only every day could be a snow day...minus the snow, plus some sunshine. That, my friends, would be perfect. :)

Lists

Do you ever find yourself in serious need of motivation? Sometimes I do. Okay, OFTEN I do. I just want to feel like I am accomplishing things throughout the day...and that motivates me. I usually find that motivation to keep going by way of lists...

I am afraid that if an outsider were to look at my list, they would laugh their head off.

My lists look something like this...

-get dressed

-start laundry

-pick up boys room

-wipe off kitchen table

-put makeup on

-clear off counters

-etc.

Basically all simple to-do's. Right?

But it's seeing them crossed off that just makes me feel like a million bucks! I would rather have a list of 100 things to do than a list of 5--even though they would accomplish the same thing.

A true confession...sometimes I do things not on my list, and I will actually write them down AFTER I complete them and then cross them off...makes me feel like I did more. :)

Isn't that such a weird method of thinking?? Or are you a major list person too???

NB...newborn

I have started to panic now and then over the fact that after feeling so secure that we were already set to have another boy, I realized that I have already gotten rid of most of my 0-12 month clothes. I won't know the exact damage until the snow stops and we can make it through the pile of "treasures" in our garage...but as I think back to giving, loaning, or selling stuff, I have realized I am nowhere close to as prepared as I thought.

Deep breath. Deep breath.

So when I was walking through Target the other day, and I saw this cute little onesie on clearance for $3, I decided to splurge and treat our unborn little guy to his first newborn piece of clothing.

NB...newborn. So strange to say that word. So hard to believe that I am basically past the halfway mark...and that the time has gone so fast! Even harder to believe that the rest of the time will go just as fast, and the big day will be here before we know it.

Yes, newborn...a word that feels foreign to say right now...but a word that also feels so perfect.

...am excited to meet this little guy...

and to figure out what the heck he's going to wear besides his birthday suit! :)

The simple life

Sometimes I find that I become so preoccupied with finding the perfect distraction for my kids that I forget how simple life can be...

Case in point: EVERY time I make anything with dough (bread, pizza, rolls, etc) the kids ALWAYS all ask for some to play with. And they play with it for HOURS. They haul it all over the house. They make funny shapes. They even take it in the car if I let them.

Today was one of those days.

And as I was standing in the kitchen kneading my dough with my boys surrounding me, playing with their own dough, it hit me how SIMPLE life can be.

It's not about WHAT toys we have or how many...it's not about the batteries or the computer games or the fun TV shows they have to watch. It's not about the perfect organization system or the colorful educational books I have bought or any other little thing I think they need to have entertainment throughout the day.

It IS, however, playing with dough, and imagining with cardboard boxes...it's playing in the snow with my funnel set, and pretending to be a cleaner with my basting brush. It's quiet moments where you can see their little brains working a million miles a minute...and seeing them create the most wonderful things out of nothing.

That is the simple life...the good life...the life I have often abandoned for one that was "well thought out" and "entertaining".

I am grateful for today...for pieces of dough...and for reminding me the the simple life is often the best life.

This weekend...

I have wanted to sit down this weekend and blog, but the time never came. So finally getting around to it.

A quick recap of our weekend to catch up...

Friday was a "start out tired, run errands, visit the Westside Market, and feel completely exhausted at the end of the day...but sneak in time to share some fresh cheesecake with Brandon" kind of day...

Saturday was a "try to bribe the kids to help clean, end up doing most of it yourself, and then spend the afternoon cooking and taking a quick kid-free trip to the store" kind of day...

And Sunday was a "make lots of yummy food and eat yourself silly, relaxin' around the house after church" kind of day.

Basically a roller coaster weekend...some ups, some downs, and all around it went way too fast.

Brandon is starting another week of tests this week. I remember when he had his first test week after starting school, and feeling like I didn't know how we would manage to make it through so many of those hectic, emotional, lonely weeks.

And yet here we are after adjusting and going through so many, and he is taking the last finals of his school career...from here on out, he just has boards to study for (and probably a few misc. things here and there). But the point it, we made it. HE made it through a lot of studying...waking up at 3 a.m., studying all day, barely seeing us, going to bed at midnight, and starting the whole thing all over the again the next day. It just amazes me...how time has flown so fast, even when there are days that have felt SOOOO slow.

But it's times like this that I can see, hindsight, that somehow we will be able to make it through all that is in front of us with externships and residency, and having another baby and all the other junk life will throw our way.

Yes, I can do it. WE can do it. And we WILL do it, just like we always have.

Happy Monday.

My life in letters

I have been writing in my joy journal for about 6 weeks now...

I have now written 44 posts.

I love taking a few minutes to record a thing or two that the kids have done that made me happy that day.

It's been good. Really good.

But most of all it has made me realize something about myself.

I LOVE to write in letter form. In fact, as I have written I have realized that I feel like I can express myself better that way. I never had plans to make my joy journal a collection of letters, but that's how it's ended up flowing for me.

I had this thought today that maybe I will do that with this blog at some point...call it my life in letters...write to whomever or whatever has affected me that day...good or bad. :) I don't know...maybe I will, maybe I won't.

Either way, if you see some letters popping up now and then, it's because that's the place my creative side is connecting right now. :)

and if you want to read the joy journal, or follow along as I complete this goal, you're welcome to:

http://joyjournal2010.blogspot.com/

The Princess and the frog...rainforest style

Yesterday our zoo had free admission (they do every Monday), but they also had a fun activity called the Princess and the Frog...where you could go dress up as either and go meet larger than life frogs and fairy princesses, and see all the stuff the rainforest had to offer...

I was excited Jenna had the day off and could go with us, since I knew she would LOVE this kind of thing...and she did. :) Jenny and Grace also came with us, and it was fun to have rainforest buddies. We made a cute frog craft and played a leapfrog lillypad game, and saw a lot of really fascinating animals.

Such a fun time...

(until the heat, mass crowds, stuck stroller wheel, and hunger got to me...)

and a great way to spend a school-free day!

V-day....turned V-weekend!

The best part about Valentine's Day being on a Sunday, is that we got to celebrate it ALL WEEKEND LONG. Brandon and I have never been really GIFTY (for lack of a better word...or real word) to each other for this holiday. I like it that way. But I also love that when it comes to Valentine's day in our house, it's a family celebration...not just some mushy gushy love day for couples.

Friday night, Brandon came home with a rose for me and one for Jenna, and he sneaked the boys in to help write cards for each of us to go with them. It was so sweet, and Kaden and Spencer were super happy to be in on the surprise. :) I love that Brandon thinks of Jenna too--he has done this for both of us a few times now, and it melts my heart every time.

Saturday morning I worked on homemade pasta for Sunday's dinner...and Brandon came and helped for a little bit. I loved being in the kitchen together...in fact, if we could, I would love to take a cooking class together. So fun to work side by side. We got to go to lunch at Steak on a Stone--ooooooh so yummy! We swapped Jenny and Travis for babysitting so they could go out the day before, and it worked out perfect. In the evening we had Jenny and Travis over and we all ate appetizers and watched the opening ceremonies of the Olympics (previously recorded).

Sunday, the big V-day, after church, I got our big dinner ready...

we decided to have our own Tour of Italy. Our menu consisted of:

--homemade four cheese stuffed ravioli in a roasted red pepper sauce

--fettucini alfredo

--stuffed shells (thanks to Jenny and Travis, who joined us!!)

--salad

--homemade french bread

Once the kids were in bed, Travis and Jenny brought over the dipping goods and we made a chocolate peanut butter fondue and ate ourselves silly.

If you are counting our calorie consumption, please stop. :) I don't want to know...

IT WAS SO GOOD...all of it.

And I enjoyed that we had so many ways to celebrate not just LOVE,

but having each other as a couple, and as a family...

During this pregnancy...

I have been meaning to write down some of the ins and outs of this pregnancy, just so I can remember someday...

Things I LOVE right now....

--Top of the list has to be rootbeer floats. Oh how I have craved these...

--pizza. I could eat it every day. Seriously.

--yogurt--the raspberry cheesecake kind. Oh yum.

--vegetables. Always sound yummy. Always! Especially carrots.

--banana bread.

--the thought of eating roasted chicken. I have yet to go get one, but it always sounds SO delicious to me... which is funny because at the top of the list of Things I don't care for is...

Things I don't love right now....

--the smell of raw chicken. I like chicken. I can eat it now if I have to. But the thought of cooking it just sounds really unappealing...(however I have no problem with handling steak, meatloaf, etc.)

--the thought of eating Alfredo sauce. I am craving red sauces much more...which is weird because I love alfredo.

--The thought of syrup at breakfast time. I have avoided all my favorite waffles, pancakes, french toast, etc. for so long now because the thought of sweet stuff makes me want to hurl in the morning...however, if I eat something else first, I have found I can add a piece of french toast to the mix. :) (if I actually have time... :( boo for morning schedules!)

--the smell of barbecue sauce and salsa. The barbecue sauce thing isn't rare. It has always really affected me during pregnancy, and I think I am scarred for life as a result. But definitely more sensitive to it during pregnancy.

How I feel...

--TIRED. Very tired. I do pretty good during the day. I have pretty much stopped taking naps now and do okay through the day. But come 9 p.m., I am ready to call it lights out...and I have to be honest, I don't often make it past then.

--RESTLESS. How can you be tired and restless together? Ya, that's what I want to know! I have found I go to bed pretty much fine, but in the middle of the night, I end up waking up and having to force my exhausted self back to sleep. The tossing and turning probably doesn't help much.

--ACHES...leg aches, such bad leg aches! And just in the past day or two I have had TERRIBLE lower back pain. I am definitely feeling OLD.

--GOOD. Despite my aches and pains, I am feeling pretty okay. I really can eat most everything now and am not constantly nauseas. I have only gained a few pounds (which compared to past pregnancies is nothing short of a miracle...) and can go about my regular daily activities pretty well...so can't really complain.

.....One other thing...if I go by the old wives tale that says that if you have heartburn your baby will have lots of hair, this baby will probably be coming out with hair all the way down his back.

I could definitely do without the heartburn...

Easy kids aprons!

Can you believe it? I actually HAVE completed a project over the past few months...shocking, I know! I just made several of these bib/aprons for my kids and I LOOOOOVE the style. There are no ties, so the kids are able to slip them on themselves anytime. And they are versatile enough to take with us out to eat or to use for an art project, or help mom cook in the kitchen since they have such great coverage.

disclosure: please ignore the wrinkles, dirty wall, and crooked pic. Getting 2 boys to pose right before lunch is apparently the latest form of torture...so I had to snap fast. And as for Jenna's pics, winter evening's lack of light +our awesome kitchen lighting = blah. So, it is what it is...

FRONT:

AND BACK:

SO fast and so easy! I got the pattern from youcanmakethis.com and you can print off the PDF file for sizes 2-12...so well worth the $5.99 I paid since I have already made several sizes and can keep doing so for another MANY years! :) You can see the product info here.

Anyway, there ya have it! A fun, easy apron...or bib...however you see it.

4 day weekend, here we come.

I did not ever think I would be SO excited for a 4 day weekend off school...especially when I am not the one IN school!

Jenna has Friday and Monday off, thus making it a whole 4 days of home time.

No driving her to school through the snow and cold, picking her up, lots of time to spend together, and hanging out with the boys.

I. AM. THRILLED!

It was the perfect night for a simple, warm meal...with hot turkey and cheese subs with a side of tomato soup, and we ended the meal with some gooey caramel popcorn balls. Yum.

Looking forward to a weekend of fun together...

What to write?

Ever have times you have so much to write, but you wonder what's really worth posting?

That's me...right now.

Nothing flows or is coherent really...just all sorts of random thoughts...and facts...so, if you're not up for that, this post isn't for you. ;)

We were BUSY today. We were rushing to get everyone ready, get Jenna to school early, get the boys downtown to speech therapy, wait through that, and then headed directly to my doctor appointment. All this happened within the first 3 hours of leaving our house. There was so much snow that it took FOREVER to get anywhere...

The boys were troopers...aside from the fact that for whatever reason they had to use the bathroom every 20 minutes. No joke. When we were on the road and they insisted they had to go (which by now, I know is not just a fake-out...they really do have itty bitty bladders) I had no choice but to let them do their business in an empty water bottle. They thought it was SOOOOO cool. Why do boys like that kind of thing? It is something I will never understand.

At the doctor both boys used the bathroom TWICE while we were there (less than 40 minutes from start to finish)...AND Spencer wet his pants at the end of my appointment. Seriously?!?! I about died.

Not that this post is supposed to be about the habits of my potty-going children, but I was so frazzled at that point and I think I still feel scarred from the experience, even as I type. :)

Spent the afternoon doing paperwork, and school stuff for Brandon. Word to the wise...keep a log of all your addresses for the last 7 years...I hadn't, and while I thought I would remember them forever, I found myself having to google map most of our houses to try to jog my memory as to the house number...and the apartment number we lived in?? Ya, lost cause trying to remember that! Just was a totally hectic day trying to accomplish a lot of (what felt like) busy work.

Then it was shoveling the driveway so I could get out again, loading everyone up in blustery conditions, and going back to pick up Jenna from school.

Gosh I hate driving in the snow.

Sometimes I find myself driving and dreaming of the days when you can just cruise on through...sun shining...dry roads...and I know those days will come again. Just hope it's really soon.

I went back out one more time tonight when I realized that tomorrow is Jenna's last day of school for the week...and that kids would probably have Valentine's to hand out. I had planned on making some cute ones by hand, but it never happened...

So she and I headed out to pick some up.

She wanted to give toys to everyone in her class....which we clearly can't afford. We settled on candy hearts...

Funny thing is, when we got home and she was in bed, I told her we would write her name on the boxes in the morning so she could take them to school. She was crushed...because somewhere, lost in translation, she thought she would be sending these in the mail to EVERYONE. As in, everyone in the world...with 24 boxes of candy hearts. :)

Such a sweet, giving girl.

Oh, one more thing...at my super short doctor appointment today, the boys got to hear the heartbeat. Kaden said it was too loud... :) This was right before Spencer peed his pants. Anyhow, the Dr. said we could aim towards being induced in the 8th of July...so I am super excited to have a date on hand. :) It will be nice to let my mom plan for coming out and get things ready.

Still a ways out...I know. :)

But it's fun to plan...finally. :)

Trial run...

I have been really trying hard to focus in on my to-do's lately...trying to keep everything in order and under control with the assumption that Brandon won't be there to help out later.

I will admit, Brandon really steps up...often. He does dishes and helps get the kids in bed, and he mops the floors and takes out the garbage...the list could go on. And I appreciate the help...I love working together.

But when he is gone on externships, I won't have that to back me up. It will be me flying solo. Nobody to step in when I am going nutso or do the dishes when I am just too tired.

And you know already, I AM NERVOUS.

I have been giving this a trial run...making changes during my day to help me get used to doing it alone...making sure the dishes are done early, and always have the kitchen clean before bed (which is a huge step for me), I've been keeping up on laundry and working with the kids to keep their rooms cleaner. Just little things...

And they have made such a difference.

I feel so much more relaxed...like, I somehow have more time, even though I have spent more time cleaning or picking up...it's funny how it works out. I feel like we are a little more organized, have things a little more under control...and it's nice to not wander around all day looking at a mess and not knowing where to start.

Yesterday, Kaden and I worked hard during the day to put together a family night lesson. He loved helping...and I wondered why I hadn't really included him in that before. Our night went more smoothly (even though it was hectic getting everyone rounded up and having a lesson alone) and the kids went to bed without a problem.

IT. WAS. NICE.

And most important, it all felt right. A clean house, family night, sleeping kids...

Will every day be this way? I am sure not. I would be a fool to think so.

But the effort I put in, makes me feel proud on the days things DO stay in line.

If you come to my house, I am not promising perfection. I AM promising improvement though...

:)

Now if only I could kick my dislike for cleaning the bathroom...

Dreaming....

Of summer...and everything that comes with it.

Happy Sunday...

Keepin' with tradition...

In keeping with tradition, every time we find out the gender of the baby we are having, we go out to eat that night to celebrate.

Over the years, our restaurant selections have gotten:

1) more kid friendly

2) cheaper

So this time was the super buffet at CiCi's pizza where the boys were free and a coupon was used to pay for Brandon's meal. :) It's always yummy place.

When we actually broke the news to the kids, we pulled out the ultrasound picture and showed them the new little boy...

And Jenna had a pained look of shock on her face...with which she replied, "But I wanted a sister!"

Oh, so crushing!

We did our best to point out all the exciting things that another brother would bring, and slowly she came around. I am sure when it comes down to it, a BABY will be all that's on her mind, even if it's not a girl. :) We've still got a while...

As for now, this baby is craving a root beer float like nobody's business. :)

Happy Saturday.

Did you guess right?? It's a.....

I was sent by my Doctor yesterday to have an unexpected ultrasound to make sure everything was okay...

It was, and everything looks perfect!

And not only did I get some peace of mind, I ended up being able to find out what the gender of the baby is...which was a HUGE surprise since we weren't supposed to find out for another 2-3 weeks.

It looks like we will be adding another BOY to our family!

We are excited!

Happy Hedgehog Day.

Today when I picked Jenna up from school, she exclaimed,

"MOM, did you know there are going to be 6 more weeks of winter? That hedgehog over in Pennsylvania said so!"

Here's to a quick 6 weeks...

All over the place...

Jenna went back to school today...the first in MANY days...

I made a trip to Walmart, and took Kaden to the Dr. and to get some antibiotics.

I folded laundry and made dinner and cleaned the kitchen.

And I've got a couple sewing projects ready to work on.

None of us feel 100%, but that might not come for a long while. Overall though, it looks like we're back to the grindstone of life.

On a completely random note, I have the STRANGEST dreams while pregnant.

Seriously strange.

And so vivid! I always remember great detail about these dreams when I wake up. This morning I woke up to a text message from Heaven. No joke. I actually THOUGHT that my dream was so real that I had gotten a text message straight from the man upstairs!

I only wish it was a love note instead of a chastisement. :)

I have had dreams that I gave birth to animals, that my Dr. had multiple faces, that I was married to other men AND Brandon...I have had dreams the baby's arms and legs have stuck right out my belly, and dreamed that I lived in really strange places.

Weird, plain weird.

I've said it before, and I shall say it again. Pregnancy does some crazy things to your body! :)

And on another random note...

HAPPY FEBRUARY! WOW! Can you believe it's already the month of love? I just can't. But yet, I am glad. Next month we should see more signs of spring...I am pretty ready for that. We have not gotten out nearly as much as we have before this winter, with being sick and pregnant and BUSY, and it's really getting to me. Am ready to break out of this house and go crazy rolling down a green, grassy hill basking in warm sunshine.

Very ready.

I am ready to have better moods and a more positive outlook.

And dang it, I am ready to grill.

Yes, Welcome February. Welcome.

I'll make some room for you...you just came a little sooner than I expected.