Snowed In!

Friday we got another big storm--this meant no school for EVERYONE! I knew a storm like this was coming, because it always seems like we get a big one this time of the year. It also signifies the coming of spring, at least to me...mother nature's way of getting it all out of her system in preparation for sunshine and mild temps.

We did pretty much nothing that day. Just relaxed...watched movies...relaxed some more...the kids played downstairs for a couple hours and Brandon and I got caught up on American Idol and some other shows on the DVR. It was FANTASTIC. There was so much snow in the street and driveway that it was almost impossible to get out until early evening. So we just stayed in, tucked inside our warm house.

In the afternoon, once the snow and bad wind had stopped, Brandon went out with the kids to make a whole a snow cave and snowmen--all of which the kids named from characters off Star Wars. (They are really into the game Lego Star Wars right now! :)

We were SO excited for a snow day!!!

When it was time to come in, we had some VERY cold little people on our hands. I had been inside getting dinner ready, and was greeted by crying little ones trying to rip every wet piece of clothing off their bodies at once. Hot chocolate and a good snuggle did the trick...which Carter was THRILLED to join in on. :)

I must admit...I am ready for spring, and I am getting really tired of the cold, but I absolutely LOVE the unexpected days off that come this time of year--where we have no plans, nowhere to go, nobody to see.

Just us. Together. All day long.

My boys...

This may sound harsh, but I never wanted boys. I didn't.

Boys were trouble.

They were predators, inmates, bullies and bad pranks gone very wrong.

...even though I was married to a great guy, who was obviously none of the above...

The funny thing is, I never pictured myself with ONLY girls. I just didn't see the full picture at all.

And then I had Kaden....

who we loved right away.

....and then I had Spencer....
and I thought, okay...let's see how this goes.
brothers are good for each other, after all.





 

...and not being able to possibly conceive the idea that I could have ANOTHER boy, I had Carter...

and all the world just felt right.

I was thinking today how lucky I am to spend my days with these 3 little boys. Their smiles are enough to melt my heart...their imaginations endless...their laughter contagious. I wonder sometimes, how ever did I get so blessed to be called to be a mother to 3 little boys? How great is this calling I have--to teach these little guys to grow up to be good men, and husbands, and fathers!

I must admit, there are selfish thoughts in there too, when I think about the future--specifically when Brandon is roughing it on overnight father-son campouts with all 3 boys and it's just Jenna and I off to dinner and pedicures or something. :)

kidding aside... :)

I think about my boys lots--about raising them right--teaching the best I can, and the best WE can as a couple...hoping that they will make the choices that will lead them to do right, and that someday they will each be the kind of man that Brandon is. And I think about the day when they won't want to snuggle me or have me sing, and when it won't be cool to have mom around so much....and I hope somehow I can delay that as long as possible because right now, I have three very snuggly loving boys who have made me see that the picture I had envisioned so long ago was missing three big puzzle pieces that without, would make our family totally incomplete.

Days like these...

On a day like today {arguments, whining, grumpies, and everything in between}

I love to look at pictures like this...

where even the littlest man in the family is welcomed into the "best friends club"...

where there is laughter and smiles and sharing. :)

May tomorrow hold more promise of a day like that.

My FIRST 5k--and a weight loss update!

Today I was reminded of something that I have learned the past several months...I am really capable of so much more than I give myself credit for.

Last night I hardly slept...I was anxious anticipating today when I would become one of those crazy people who pay money to get up early and run outside in the bitter cold...

This morning I ran my very first 5k. 


Now, I set this goal a while back anticipating that I would have lots of time to train, to run outside, to build up strength and endurance. And then it snowed...lots...and then it rained ice...and then it was bitter cold. And the days of running were severely limited. However, I continued to do a workout video at home almost every day--just to try to get in shape.

I almost chickened out--called it quits--pushed the 5k back to next month. I was SURE I wouldn't be able to run the whole way. But ultimately, I decided I just had to do it--regardless of the outcome. In the few times I was able to train, I never did make it the whole 5k length--which was very depressing. But I signed up--paid the fee--and set the goal to try to run the entire way. Time didn't matter--I just wanted to make it.

Jenny (sister-in-law/friend :) and Crystal (friend) were able to come with me, THANKFULLY. It was so nice to not be there alone...We got signed in and put our tags on. It almost felt surreal.

me. with a racer's tag on. I studied the numbers....I stared at my name...me. Running a race. wow.

We lined up, took our places--and heard the signal for the big start.
And we were off...

Jenny was going for a personal best on time (which she beat! yay!)
Crystal stayed by my (slooooow) side and ran with me the whole way. The wind was brutal and chilly--especially running up the hills. And there were times I just didn't think I could go any more. I just wanted to walk...just for a few minutes.

But there was Crystal...next to me...going slow right alongside...
and I couldn't let her down.
I couldn't let myself down.
So I ran. and ran. and ran.

We neared the end. My face was numb, my legs like jello...Jenny had finished and came running back towards us. Together we all ran back and crossed the finish line.

I got all blubbery and emotional--I just couldn't believe I did it.
Me, the girl who never could even run the mile in elementary school...or high school for that matter...
Me, the girl who never has been into doing much in the way of physical activity--whether because my lack of coordination or the extra weight I was carrying or just an excuse to hide behind...
I did it. I ran a 5k.

 I am SO proud of myself.
And I am SO grateful for my friends.
And for my family.
And the people who believed in me when I didn't...because that's happened a lot. :)

This race to me, was one of my defining moments in life. It was that AH-HA of all ah-ha moments.
It showed me just how far I have come...and how much more I can do, that I never thought I could.
I found it quite fitting that today when I stepped on the scale, I had hit my 60 pound mark, from my pre-pregnancy weight.

Can you believe I have now lost 60 POUNDS?
I can't. I stared at that number...I even re-weighed myself.

Certainly it couldn't be 60 pounds.

But it was. It IS. 

And it couldn't have come on a better day.
I know I have so much to learn, so many ways to grow still--life is like that, ya know? :)
But I am SO grateful to my Heavenly Father for this little journey I have been on.
 I feel like I know myself in such a different way than I ever have before.

 I have seen His hand in things as I have done my part to lose the weight and get my body healthy...
I saw it today...in finishing the race. I saw it today in that number on the scale--a culmination of months of hard work and dedication and prayer.

Here's to 60 pounds...to running 5k's...and to seeing the real potential within.

(and now....the pics from the race) :)

Happiness....

because I wore flip flops today...

because the air was fresh, the snow melting, and even if for a bit we had sunshine.

because spring is on the way.

because I ate peanut butter and chocolate together. And that right there is pure heaven.

because we're one day closer to March.

because Carter slept through the night....and EVERYONE slept past 6:30.

because I am healthy.

because I have a really funny husband.

because chicken pot pie is on the menu for dinner.

because tomorrow is Friday...and then it's a 3 day weekend.

and really, today I feel happy just because.

Do you?

Dia de Amor - 2011

I will always remember this year for so many reasons. 

I took the tags off of the little black dress that has been hanging in my closet, did my makeup and hair, and had the BEST time with DJ daddy (a.k.a. Brandon) at the formal dance he hosted in our living room once the kids were in bed.

Each of the kids had picked a song for us to dance to--and if I guessed correctly which child chose which song, I got a small prize when the song was over. 

We laughed. We talked. We danced. Well, danced the best you can to "Return to Pooh corner" and Taylor Swift "Speak Now" and songs of the like...and we showed off our best dance moves that each of the kids would have made.

Silly as it may sound, I absolutely LOVED how he incorporated the kids into this Valentine's Day surprise. I love having kid-free alone time, yes. But I also love talking about the kids and how each of their personalities played into the night. After all, they are the 4 best little things we have ever shared together! 

Brandon saved the last dance to one of my favorite Jim Brickman songs (Love of my life) and we reminisced about the good ol' days. :) Funny how after only 7 1/2 years, we have those to look back on.

We then attempted pictures with the Ipod camera...at night...with lame light. 

Apparently THAT camera has problems too, because according to Brandon, it made him look bald...which, of course, he is not. {yet} :)

And then we laughed some more.

Strawberry cheesecake was served...and devoured. So, now you know, I like cheesecake...a little lot.

I feel blessed to have such a great man in my life. I am grateful for him...and for Valentine's Day--for surprises, and a little chance to celebrate the life we have together!

School {snow} day

A few weeks ago our school district gave in to the stormy weather and called a snow day! I happen to love snow days for a few reasons:
1. it's an unexpected CHANGE OF PACE! For whatever reason, Saturdays and Sundays just aren't the same as a snow day...snow days are for squeezing in fun projects and things that you just wouldn't do on a scheduled day off.
2. I LOVE taking the day off from running here and there, getting kids places. It's nice to just take it easy and spend the day in jammies if we want.

The kids were over the moon excited about this day...and spent the morning playing together. I listened to them chattering through the morning. Jenna called the students of the month to her office, and they had recess and class. The boys are so funny to watch play school with her. They follow her every instruction--hang on her every word. She is a girl in control and she LOVES playing that authority figure! :)

Shortly before lunch, I remembered I had these plastic trays I bought at the dollar section of a store several years ago, and I KNEW they would be the perfect lunchtime surprise to go along with their "school" day. Jenna always begs to eat at school on Wednesdays since it's pizza day--and knowing she was missing her beloved pizza day, I tried to recreate what she was missing. (it's also the one day she can pick chocolate milk for lunch).

So I hurried and made up some mini pizzas on pita bread (they make fantasic quick pizza crusts!), filled up the glasses with chocolate milk, and added the carrots and ranch just like the menu said. I then rushed over to the kitchen timer and made it ring--it's sound filling the hall where the kids waited unexpectedly. They turned around surprised to see me playing along, and then filed in to the kitchen excitedly...

I write this all down because I want to be able to look back someday and remember that it really IS the little things that make the biggest difference in a day...to my children...and to me. Making this special little lunch was something so small--but it made me SO excited to surprise them, to show them I love them...but most of all, it made me remember how happy I am to be a mom. At no other time in my life will all my kiddos be this age, at this stage...doing what they do and being who they are right now.

They may not always appreciate plastic "cafeteria" trays or mini pita pizzas, but I will always remember how much they did on that snowy "school" day...

Daddy daughter date--dancin' the night away!

Tonight, my sweet husband and little grown up girl are dancin' the night away...

Daddy...and daughter....on a date.

Brandon swept her away to a table for two in a Pizza Hut a few miles away where they sat and colored and chatted over perfectly portioned personal pizzas...

And then it was home to change clothes--

change into her "party dress", as she calls it, and get ready for the big dance.

Curls added, a dash of blush (because she begged), and a dab of lipgloss.

You could tell she felt like a beauty queen. 

It made me smile.

Lots.

I am grateful tonight...

for a husband who knows how to treat a woman, no matter her age.

And am grateful for a daughter who will grow up seeing that, and expecting the same from a special someone.

SOMEDAY.

IN THE VERY DISTANT FUTURE. :)

Until then, there will just be many, many dates with a special man named daddy...

Be the Change: The Tiniest Survivors

Around Christmas, I watched a 20/20 that showed a variety of causes and world issues that needed attention and funding. I had already been thinking about ways that we could make the holidays more meaningful as a family--so watching this TRULY touched me. I could hardly sleep that night as my mind raced through--thinking of ideas and ways we could implement this into our life.

As much as I would like to be, we are just not in the type of financial situation to write big checks and support a variety of worthy causes. We are finishing up almost 8 years of school...have 4 children...and a load of school debt to start paying off as we venture into the beginning of residency and eventually joining or starting a practice, etc. I could go on and on--but the point is, the next few years, just as the ones we've put behind us, are sure to be tight.

But as I watched people around the world struggle with not even having clean water to drink, and not being able to have their babies survive because of the cold, and struggling to find nutritious food to eat, I just felt so compelled to do SOMETHING. For regardless of our financial situation, there are MANY who have even less...

In one of the segments one man spoke about how he donated his age on his birthday--That seemed SO realistic for us, in our situation. And something we could ALL do.

The kids and I watched several of the clips from 20/20 together--we looked up information online, and on Christmas Eve we all voted for and chose a cause that we wanted to support this year. We have an annual tradition to write gifts to Christ on Christmas eve, and store them in lantern ornaments on our tree--these are usually things we are personally choosing to change in our life to better ourselves and become more like Christ. So in addition to that, this year we added in our family cause...to help provide low cost incubators for babies in India and around the world. The embrace warmer itself is an incredible idea, in my opinion. You can read all about it here. Basically many babies in underdeveloped countries are dying simply because they cannot stay warm during the first critical time in their life.

As I snuggle my sweet Carter, and listened to women talk about losing their children, my heart broke. We take so much for granted--and knowing the joy I have found in being a mother is something I want anyone to have, regardless of their location in the world. They deserve that...

The cost of one infant warmer is only $150--and so, as a family, that is our goal. As small as it may seem, I've  come to the realization that it's a good place for us to start--and I want to involve the kids in any way I can. They have really been excited about this--which makes ME even more excited about it! :) We plan on "donating our birthdays"...but there will still be some to raise to make up the difference. We've put on our thinking caps and are going to have to get creative for how to raise it!

PLEASE take a minute and watch the clip! It is well worth your time...

- - - - - - - - - -
***after I wrote this, I realized that it probably sounded written from out of nowhere! lol. I mainly wrote it as a heads up if you see us trying to fundraise somehow, or if you and your family wanted to find a way to do a similar project! I know there are so many wonderful causes--and I am grateful for the chance to become aware of the world around us. For many other ideas, go here: http://www.globalgiving.org/saveone/

"The {paper} shredder"

Oh sweet Carter boy....

7 whole months.

Sleeping better...most nights. Sometimes 10-14 hours.

Sometimes waking every 4.

Eating like a champ...or a horse. Or maybe a champion horse. :)

LOVES food. All kinds. I've never seen him turn anything down.

...Loves his sippy cup...

and chewing fingers...

and eating paper...

Still huggable, squeezable, lovable...

and growing up so, so fast.

Fortunes

Opening my fortune cookie on Chinese New Year, I found the slip of paper that would predict my fate...

I always, ALWAYS get lame fortunes that are more like quotes, or say something supposedly about my personality being charming or some other load of garbage. lol. 

But this time, oh my friends, this time was different.

I not only got a real fortune, but a GOOD fortune.

"You will experience changes for the better", it read.

Hmmm....I have thought about this fortune every time I am sharing my bathroom with 3 other people at the same time, and every time I look out at the blanket of snow covering my front yard, and when we are crowding around our table trying to pretend it fits in our tiny kitchen with 3 feet of counter space.

 KID. YOU. NOT. 

(and a microwave takes up some of that precious space too!)

Not that a fortune will take any of my moans or groans away...or make life perfect, but it's definitely made me have some hope. Good things are on the horizon. Changes. Something new, something fresh. 

And fortune cookie or not, the prospect of that feels so, so good. 

Momma food -- perfectly portioned

If you have a baby or have had a baby recently in the solid / baby food eating stage, you KNOW what these are....

YES....YES...YES! Those perfect little baby food containers that are just too cute to throw away! Okay, I am probably the only human who thinks this...but it's true. I kept thinking there HAD to be a good way to re-use them...and the other night it hit me!

We were heading to a friend's house for a little birthday party, and knowing I was going to splurge on some cake, I wanted to bring my own frozen yogurt to eat, instead of ice cream. As I was sifting through the tupperware black hole drawer, I saw these and though I would just take what would fit in there--keep it simple.

Well, as I measured things out, I realized that this cute little baby food container is EXACTLY a half cup. And guess how much a perfect portion of ice cream / frozen yogurt is??? Yep, 1/2 Cup!

I WAS SOOOO excited.

It's the little things that get me...clearly. :)

So this new discovery (that's nothing new to the baby food makers) sent my brain spinning on what all could fit inside and how this could revolutionize my fridge and freezer!

The other day, I made up a batch pudding (again, 1/2 C serving)--filled up 6 containers, and put them in the fridge. PERFECT for snacks, and cheaper to make my own pudding and fill them than to buy the individual little cups at the store. (and it's a yummy low cal treat!)

I've used them to put my portions of tuna filling for sandwiches too...

And I have a list a mile long of other things to put inside that will help me to pre-portion desserts or condiments, or other things to make eating better EASIER.

I. AM. SO. THRILLED.

Just downright giddy... :)

So, what would YOU fill them with??

A day for play

On Monday I took the boys (plus Jenny and Grace) to the Science museum--we haven't been for a while, and since they've been M.I.A. from the blog, I took the camera to document our outing--since I haven't done that for a while either. :)

The pictures are pretty self-explanatory...so I won't go into that. But I will say, I observed a couple things while there.

1. Kaden is ADDICTED to the computer. At home, he would play all day if we let him! He is given 3 tokens a day to use towards screen time (worth 10 minutes each) and I can't think of a day he HASN'T used them all. :) (unless they have been taken away for bad behavior of some kind). The first thing he did the second he walked into the room....yep...ran STRAIGHT for the computer. sigh. I seriously had to kick him off after a while and tell him he had to play elsewhere! lol. He's a funny kid.

2. Spencer is also a funny little guy. He has been obsessed with a yellow baseball cap we got from a friend lately...wears it EVERYWHERE,  even to bed! He wouldn't even take it off to dress up. :)

3. Carter slept much of the time we were here, which was SO nice! He was a trooper! Though, I must say, he had just had 2 nights of 10-14 hour sleeping STRAIGHT. WE WERE IN HEAVEN! I seriously think he's going through some growth spurt or something-- :) Regardless, we are grateful for any night he sleeps--because it means WE sleep.

Body Image - take 2

I have been thinking about my body image post a lot...

My post, and I suppose ultimately my feelings, aren't so much about the money I would spend on myself--but more about feeling like I could like the person in the mirror regardless of how I look. All the clothes in the world can't change what I see about myself, and I KNEW that. That is one reason I was hesitant to spend the money on clothes I would keep--because while they can make me feel good temporarily, they can't change my outlook forever.

After I wrote my post, several of you reached out--and shared your thoughts and feelings. And I hope you know I appreciate it. I have had a lot of opportunity for reflection on this topic this weekend, and I wanted to share some things that I learned.

My dad sent me an email and something he said really struck a chord with me...

God made you imperfect so that you would depend on Him. He did not make a mistake in allowing you to be created as you are. You are created in His image and with His divine traits. I wish that you could feel that. Some things can't change. Some things you can. And some things are just not that important.


All along, I have somehow felt that there was a mistake in how I was...WHO I was...because my hips were
 too wide, and my torso too short, and because quite frankly I don't look like all the girls the world sees as 
"beautiful". But my dad was right. THIS I believe now--that there wasn't a mistake in me being created as I 
was. I will not ever be taller than 5' 3"...and I will likely carry extra skin and have a misplaced belly button--


but what's to say that THAT isn't perfect to my Heavenly Father? 
Who am I to put the world's views above the one that matters most?


I received another email from a friend that spoke of the weight/ body image issues being JUST ONE PART of me--that I had other stuff to offer, talents, abilities and that Satan will do everything possible to attack women, and that body image is one way he can do that.


It was shortly after this, that I opened my mailbox and found my Ensign magazine. There was an article I opened up to randomly--I want to share some of that...

"Like many people, I have struggled for much of my life to recognize my self-worth. I have fought weight problems for many years, which have contributed to my negative feelings. Even though I have lost weight and lead a healthy lifestyle now, occasionally I still find myself fighting off those negative thoughts and feelings.

One morning I felt particularly low and was wondering how to make the situation better. I began to pray and ask for Heavenly Father’s help to overcome these feelings of inadequacy. As I prayed, the following scripture came to my mind: “If ye have no hope ye must needs be in despair; and despair cometh because of iniquity” (Moroni 10:22).

Iniquity seemed to be such a serious word, so much so that at first I discounted the thought because I could think of nothing that I had done seriously wrong. However, the thought persisted, so I prayed, as instructed also by Moroni, for Heavenly Father to show me my weakness that I might be made strong (see Ether 12:27).

I found myself remembering three incidents during the previous two days when I had not shown patience with my children. I had put my own moods and needs in front of theirs and had not been sensitive to their feelings. I felt bad and resolved to do better. I apologized to my children and prayed for forgiveness. As soon as I prayed, my feelings of inadequacy were lifted and I was able to feel the peace that had eluded me.

As though a light switch turned on in my mind, I finally understood a simple concept that somehow I had missed all these years. When I have unresolved sin in my life, even if it is small, I give Satan power to influence me. He knows my weaknesses, and he knows what words will “stir me up” and “lead me to destruction” (see D&C 10:22). When it comes right down to it, I don’t hate myself, but Satan does hate me and will use every tactic available to turn me away from the light.

However, when I repent, I rely on the power of Jesus Christ. Because He knows perfectly how to succor me in my weakness (see Alma 7:11–12), His power lifts me up and makes me strong in ways that I can’t be on my own."      His Grace is sufficient -- Feb. Ensign

It was almost as though I was delivered my very own specific message of how I can gain that peace and acceptance I have been so longing for. While I can't think of a specific terrible sin I have committed, there ARE little things that I know I could do better on in my life...and things I can make right that I haven't before. And I truly felt that this was a big part of the picture in helping to be on the road to feeling good about myself.

I have felt such a sense of freedom and peace just in acknowledging the steps I need to take, and in really seeing the big picture of how my Heavenly Father sees me.

Gosh, that feels so good to say...to write...to realize. That HE is the one who matters most...and that HE is the one who can help me change my thoughts and feelings, the same way he helped me change my physical body to be healthy and strong...and that there really IS a way for my mind and heart to get together and make some sense in helping my eyes to see the truth about who I am and how I really look.