sleep training...

Because I had several people ask, but nobody with a way to email them back, here's my response to your sleep training questions...

Yes, yes, yes--we've absolutely tried to do sleep training. Part of our problem is that Carter shares a room--and the other bedroom shares a wall--where the boys sleep. Our house is small--you hear the noise everywhere, and the crying in the middle of the night is no good when there are 3 other little ones trying to sleep.

Carter DOES go to sleep well between 6:30 and 7--he usually gets to sleep on his own. It's the middle of the night stuff that's the hardest--and honestly, that has fluctuated good and bad. I think right now he is teething and just having the HARDEST time with it. I do wish I knew what to do--I wish I knew how to let everyone else sleep through the night and train him to get himself back to sleep in the process. But I just don't know how that's possible without causing problems in the house.

I suppose that regardless, all of our kids have someone made it to sleeping through the night--so I do know it won't be a forever thing. We're making a 4th bedroom a priority in our next house, so if he's not sleeping by then, we can have the setup to be able to deal with it.

HOWEVER, If you happen to have grand suggestions for sleep training while sharing a room, please, pass them on! :)

Magic Spence!

Jenna did a magic trick this morning, by hiding a grape under her arm and sneaking it into her mouth--she thought she was pretty hot stuff. :)

Spencer HAD to follow--and was really funny to watch! Over and over and over, he performed his MAGIC trick. (I think he thought if he kept his eyes closed, it really would disappear! lol)

Take a look--for a good little laugh. :)

EXHAUSTED

I was SO RIGHT When I wrote the post about Carter mellowing out and sleeping better lately...and saying that just as soon as I posted what I did, he would prove us wrong.

sigh.

Let's just say the past few days have been a blur of activity--much of it happening during the hours of 10 p.m. and 6 a.m.

And WE. ARE. EXHAUSTED.

And we are DESPERATE. It's like the lack of sleep puts you in a place where you're willing to do almost ANYTHING to get some zzzz's.

I kind of find it ironic that such a small little man can have SUCH control over us. We're the parents. We should be the ones telling him what's up-- :) And yet, in his short 6 1/2 months on earth he has managed to take control of the situation--we all tiptoe around, succumbing to his crazy requests, hoping to avoid the worst case scenarios.

Okay, I kid, I kid-- to some extent. :)

And I know that the sleepless nights don't last forever--and that he will grow before our very eyes and be walking and talking before we know it.

Until then, we will be be sleepwalking through our days, trying to hide the bags under our eyes, and soaking in the big smiles that brighten our day and keep us up all night.

Body image

I have a problem.

I do. I know it. And I wish I could just up and make it go away.
 But it's there. It stares me down, makes me feel worthless and crazy. 

It's frustrating, because I feel fantastic and healthy and strong.

And yet, I feel weak and discouraged and unworthy.

I try to buy clothes. I actually do. I get them home and hang them up.

And I leave the tags on. 

What if.

What if they really don't look good on me?

What if I made the wrong choice?

Should I have gotten a bigger size? 

Did it make my legs look too big?

Is the color okay on me?

Did I spend too much?

I don't trust myself to know that what I try on or buy really looks good. I'm not an expert.

I WANT to look good--I want the outside to match the feelings on the inside.

But I don't know how to get from point A to point B.

And I don't feel justified in spending the money on myself to do so.

I didn't feel justified 55 pounds ago...and I certainly don't now.

It's selfish. There's so much else we could do with the money..

and it should matter what I look like on the outside anyway, right?

But then I find myself feeling the opposite way...

I deserve this! I lost weight. A LOT of weight. 

And I have not only a need, but the RIGHT to buy myself some new things.

I won the weight loss challenge. I got the cash prize. And that's MY money, to use as I want.

If I feel GOOD in something, I am bound to look good in it...just have confidence!

And then I look in the mirror. And I see my aBnOrMaL figure--

with the really short upper body, and longer legs, the skinny waste, the big hips...

It's like every mirror I look in is a carnival mirror...

I can't escape the extra skin that is hanging on my body now.

No matter how much more weight I lose, I will always have this same body type, and these same flaws.

And it feels almost impossible to take this canvas I am working with and make it look the way I feel inside.

So the clothes hang in the closet--tempting me to just wear them out. Try them on again.

And then I psych myself out...

"I can't justify the cost...it probably didn't look that good anyway...I should just get a couple $5 t-shirts from Walmart anyway...I don't deserve this stuff"...

And the clothes go back...

And so my closet sits waiting...

for my mind and heart to get together and make some sense and help my eyes see the truth about who I am and how I really look.

Squeezable sweetness...

I'll admit, sometimes I understand why the kids have a hard time keeping their paws off this little guy. He's just so darn cute. He gives the BEST drooly smiles, and it's hard to refrain from holding from his face in your hands and talking in an incredibly high pitched voice while squeezing his sweet cheeks and looking into his big, bright eyes.

It seems that often Carter only makes the blog on his monthly age update...since he can't exactly jump in a picture with the other kids--and let's face it, they haven't made the blog much lately either. I have a big sign on my head that says "SLACKER". :) I know, I know.

But there were a couple things I wanted to note, that I probably won't remember when it comes time to do his monthly update in a couple weeks. Mom Brain. It's real. :)

It feels like in the past few weeks, Carter has grown SO MUCH--he is just a whole different little boy! So much more smiley, loves grabbing everything and looking around--it's like life CLICKED for him and he is suddenly SO aware of what all is going on around him, and not only aware, but wants to be FULLY involved! He recognizes so much now--like when we get the bib out, or babyfood--or when it's time to nurse. Oh, how his reaction makes me laugh EVERY time.

Today when I was getting ready to lay him down for a nap, I was patting his back and realized he was patting mine right back! Perhaps it was a fluke--who knows--but it was the sweetest thing...

I feel also, in the past few weeks, like we are finally getting this baby thing down. If someone would have told me I would have felt like SUCH a new mom on my 4th baby, I would have laughed. But the truth is, I have. It's like a getting new model car, using the old manual to fix it, and trying to be productive. SUCH evidence to me that every child is different. (and that it's hard to have a baby again after your other kids have slept through the night and been independent for a couple years.) And while I feel like we are still ironing kinks out as far as his schedule goes, it feels like we've had PROGRESS. He goes to bed between 6:30 and 7:00--so right on track with the other kids--and wakes up for the day about the same time they do as well. And he has had a few times of sleeping through the night this past week--other nights waking once, or twice, but overall I feel like he's starting to get it regulated some.

Now watch, I've gone and said this and he will be up 13 times tonight. It always works that way. ;)

But either way--he's a lovable little guy, and we feel blessed to have him.

We also feel blessed that he popped TWO teeth through his bottom gums last week. HALLELUJAH! I know we're still facing a mouth full, but just those first 2 made us feel triumphant. He was a GRUMPY goose, and it seems like he's really mellowed out since then.

It's always so intriguing to me to imagine what his personality will play out to be. As I've watched the other kids grow and develop, they're turning out in ways I don't know that I could have pinpointed. They say and do things that often catch me off guard--good and bad. :) But it's just who they are--who they are becoming--and I love to watch it unfold.

It's days like today, and thinking about the blessings and rewards of being a parent, that I am just so glad I'm a mom. I couldn't picture wanting it any other way.

Brotherly love...

.....oh, how much one little man has ever NOT wanted to be loved by two VERY caring brothers who don't necessarily understand that Carter doesn't always want to be pulled, yanked, crowded, tugged...

Unfortunately, I could take this same picture every. single. day.

Someday, Carter's going to "love" them right back in the form of some other physical torture. lol. :)

The big win!

Brandon's having a little Sunday night family phone call, the kids are asleep, and so I found myself here at the computer taking a little walk down memory lane of hundred of photo folders. It's really fun to see the kids back then, and as they've grown...and it's fun to see what we've done and where we've been...and it's nice to see where I've grown with my photography skills--while I'm still far from perfect, there are definitely areas of improvement. 

It was during this search that I came across this money picture I took a couple years ago for a photo challenge. It reminded me that I never posted about something EXCITING that happened to me!

In the middle of November, I came across a weight loss challenge on a blog I follow. Since I was almost 40 pounds down, and wanting to stay strong through the holidays, I decided to sign up and put my $10 in the mix. I was paired up with a great partner who I had never met--but she was a lot of fun, and we ended up talking on the phone a few times and emailing back and forth (and as small world ways would have it, she happened to be the cousin of someone I went to high school with!) :) 

So the challenge began, the holidays passed, and my weight loss continued. And on Christmas morning, the challenge officially ended and I did my weigh in--down over 13 pounds. WOO HOO!

My partner and I sent in our weight loss numbers, and waited and waited to hear the results.

Come to find out, WE WON! We won the prize money and lost weight in the process, and I was STOKED. 

I hardly EVER win anything--so this was SUPER exciting.

I got my check in the mail.

$135 for me to shop with...to buy new, smaller clothes with. And I'm SO excited to spend it.

So far it's gone to a new pair of leather knee high dress boots that I got for 80% off (first pair I've ever owned...first pair I could ever fit my calves in!) and a new necklace I found on clearance to go with my "little black dress"...and a shirt, which lame as this sounds, is still hanging in my closet waiting for it to go on sale. lol. Trying to get the most for my money, dang it! 

The weight loss was an incredible reward...yes. But man was it the greatest feeling to WIN SOMETHING! :)

Is it morning or just the middle of the night?

5 a.m.

Is it the middle of the night? Or is it morning? And does the answer change if I've been up for 3 hours now?

Regardless, I sit here in my pj's, with a bowl of soup (because quite frankly when you've been up for a few hours, the tummy starts rumbling!). I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head. I usually do when it's quiet...and there's not much more I can do in this house without waking people, besides sit in the dark and browse the net.

It's times like this that my mind gets carried away...thinking and dreaming for the future. I've glanced at rental houses in a few of the places Brandon interviewed for residency--and it's fun to think about our next place that will have 2 bathrooms (because that is non-negotiable to me the next time around!)...and it's interesting to wonder what our neighborhood will be like and where the kids might go to school....Yes, KIDS in school. Because Kaden will be starting kindergarten in the fall...and Jenna will be in 2nd grade... (wondering how on earth I got to be this old!). Which gets me thinking about the future, and when we finish residency. Jenna will be 10 (gulp), and Kaden will be (hope you're sitting down for this one) 8! And if Kaden is 8, then Spencer will be 7. Spencer just won't EVER be 7...right? But that also means that Carter man will be 4. Carter? My sweet little man who has but only the sharp corner of a tooth peeking through his gums right now...ya, gonna be FOUR!

I've just gotta sit and take a deeeeeep breath thinking about all that. :)

But ages aside, there is a whole new chapter that will begin--in a new place--in a new house. And I am SO excited to look around and find a great place that fits our family...to have a 2nd bathroom...and more counter space (because I am almost positive it would be impossible to move somewhere with less than we have now. No kidding).

I try not to think about it TOO much--since there is nothing set in stone, and there is still much time before anything real takes shape...and before we know where we will be going.

But just to think...and pass the time...in the middle of a sleepless night, or morning...

Yep, I like that.

Weight Loss 101

I have been wanting to write this for a while now. As more and more of my friends and family (and sometimes even perfect strangers) start their own weight loss journey, they often approach me and ask what I did to lose the weight. So I want to share a few of the basics that made a big difference to me...

Please remember that I am not a health professional--I am merely sharing what worked for me... ;)

1. Pick a plan. I happened to join Weight Watchers, because I wanted to maintain regular foods in my life and not feel deprived, but make healthier changes overall.(and I absolutely LOOOVE it!) That program setup worked for me. You may choose something else, but regardless you have to have some consistency somewhere. You can't do low carb here, and low calorie there, and cabbage diet another time, and throw in some slim fast there too. You've got to pick something and stick to it so you can maximize your success. And most important, you have to LOVE the plan you choose...if not, you will drop it like the boyfriend with bad breath.

2. I decided not to DIET. (notice the first three letters of that word are DIE! :) I just have REFUSED to accept my weight loss as being associated with the word DIET throughout this process. Diet = deprivation to me...and it also doesn't give of the feeling of long term sustainability.I simply saw that I was making certain healthier changes to my eating habits. This was HUGE for me--because our minds play such a big role in the weight loss process!

3. WHEN YOU BITE IT, WRITE IT! Yes, write down what you eat--do it daily. I have done it now for 6 months. I have never faltered on this--I have stayed constant and at this point it is such a habit. I am sure there will be a time where it won't be as important, but I know that if I am to lose weight, it is imperative that I know exactly what I am putting in my body, HOW MUCH of it, and when I did it--it is SO helpful in so many ways! Consider what you put in your body almost like transactions that debit from your daily account balance (points target or calories, etc) Deduct the number as you eat--so you know where you stand. This also made me take accountability for those little bites and licks that would happen throughout the day and helped me STOP doing so. I didn't want to take the time and efforts to have to write a nibble of fruit snacks or a bite of mac and cheese or the last few tastes of dinner as I was putting it away. The write it when you bite it habit helped me change the nibble habit.

4. In realty, the most important thing is location, location, location. With healthy eating, the most important thing (at least to me) is PORTION, PORTION, PORTION. Seriously--test yourself! Fill up a bowl with your favorite cereal or icecream, for example. And then read the box and take from your bowl the appropriate serving size. YOU WILL BE STUNNED. The hugest wake up call to me was with cheese--when I put it on something--I just would get a small handful and sprinkle it on and assume it was 1/4 cup like the serving said. I tested myself once and realized it was over DOUBLE the serving size.

--Take your recipes--figure out the nutritional info for them. There are lots of websites that do this--and then keep the info for YOU to know the nutritional content and decide what numbers work for you (sometimes shaving off 1/3 of a piece of something can cut back the fat and calories and SUGAR by a lot more than you'd think!)--so you know that for YOUR recipe 1 1/2 Cups of soup is a serving, or that your favorite chocolate cake serves 15 (instead of 12 like you've always thought). 

The smallest changes make the biggest impact.

--After reading this post, run, don't walk, RUN buy a kitchen scale (I have a digital one...LOVE it!). I can't believe I went without one for so long! As far as I am concerned, it is a KITCHEN ESSENTIAL...as much as the forks and knives in my silverware drawer. I use it when cooking--I use it when plating my food (I put my plate on their and zero it out, and then add my meat or whatever I am weighing so I know I am getting an accurate amount). I use it when I am getting croutons or almonds or whatever else has a crazy serving size of like 2 TBSP when it's a bizarre shape that would in no way fit in a measuring spoon! :) LOVE it! While some people may think that this would get really old or be a pain, I never have seen it as that. I see it as an empowering tool--I love the control of knowing that I am no longer eating a 10 oz piece of chicken out of ignorance, but rather a 4 oz. one...and by the same token, that I can have 4-5 croutons instead of the 1-2 I thought would make up the correct serving.

 

5. DON'T DEPRIVE -- (again, I am speaking from my experience and what worked for ME)  obviously, as part of a change for healthier eating there has to be SOME resisting of the old junk you've eaten. If not, there will be NO change in your weight or health. However, I have heard about some eating plans that institute a certain day or the entire weekend to eating what they want, and only making them be on track the remaining day. This, to me, sounds absurd! :) If I feel like I have to go X many days without eating something, and then have 1-2 days to have a free-for-all, I will WITHOUT FAIL binge on the foods that are terrible for me! 

This is where portion control and your food journal come into play. I can't speak for other eating plans, but for Weight Watchers you're allotted a certain amount of points. Because of the high point value of certain foods, there are certain foods that automatically became less appealing because I found that I didn't WANT to spend my points on them. But once in a while I find that something like a hotdog or pizza or french fries sounds good. So let's say I eat a hotdog. I write it down. And I just make sure that I eat soup or something else lower in points that is filling to compensate for the high points I am spending on that delicious dog! And at the end of the day it balances out. I still have dessert and sweet treats...but they are SIGNIFICANTLY scaled back from where they used to be. I find that now, a small piece of candy or a single serving brownie in a mug or something small is really all I need to get that sweet fix...instead of the big brownie sundae drizzled with caramel and hot fudge and whipped cream and cherries...

This brings me to my next point...

6.  In time when you mess up, pick yourself up and move on! In other words, don't let a slip up keep you down. It takes more than one weekend to ruin you for life. Consider it an opportunity to learn and just recognize where you went wrong and how you can fix it next time, and move forward. Don't drag your mistakes on and on and dwell on it forever....it will only lead to one more piece of cake to try to drown your sorrows. :)  

7. KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE PRIZE! It's really important to find non-food ways to reward yourself during the weight loss process. I thought this was silly at first, because CERTAINLY just losing the weight should be prize enough. But there is a whole different level of satisfaction that comes from having something to look forward to! 

Set milestones for yourself...maybe you'll start off with aiming to lose 5% of your body weight....then 10%....then go by pounds...maybe you will break it up into 5 or 10 pounds segments. And then pick rewards to match! You don't have to spend a lot of money doing so...maybe you set up an agreement with your husband that after meeting a goal, he will do the dishes and put the kids in bed and massage your feet and watche a chick flick with you...okay, maybe I've gone a little far here. lol. But you get the idea. Or maybe it will be one new piece of clothing...or a massage at a salon...or even just a new haircut. Just be sure to find something that you will be EXCITED about--

My 50 pound goal prize was to buy a little black dress...since I have never in my life owned one or felt like I could look good in one. I went shopping for it last week, and IT FEELS FANTASTIC to put on. I can't WAIT to wear it out!

8. GET MOVING! I didn't start out doing much--but I did start out doing SOMETHING. Go for a walk, a run, park farther in the parking lot at the store. Instead of carrying all your groceries over your arm in one giant load, take a couple trips out to the car. Join a class. Walk up your stairs a few times. Do a workout video--just pick SOMETHING! As the weight came off, it because easier and easier for me to do more and more--and that's a good feeling! 

9. WEIGH YOURSELF. Take pictures. Rinse. Repeat. :) I seriously wish I had done a real before picture--and checked in doing so throughout my weight loss process. I was too ashamed. But hindsight being 20/20, I wish I had just done it--

10. TELL A FRIEND. Or lots of them. It is such good "therapy" to journal your way through this process--and to share your successes or hangups with someone. There is a HUGE amount of support to be found--and it is SUCH an encouraging thing to know people are behind you.

I hope that ANY OF YOU who are in this process of shedding the pounds know that I am SO happy to be that cheerleader for you if needed. I mean it!! This process has awakened me in a passion for this topic, and I am so happy to share snack ideas or meals or tips and tricks....or just to be a sounding board. Just hope you know that....feel free to leave a comment or email me if you wanna talk more about it! 

hollowayfam (at) yahoo (dot) come

The toys are back in town!

We are HUGE Toy Story fans in our house. And so, when we were presented with the opportunity to go to Toy Story 3 on Ice, we jumped at the chance! We've been waiting and waiting for a few months now--and the fay FINALLY arrived!

I hoped that before the show I could get a couple cheesy, excited grins. Nope. :)

There's not much explaining to do--the pictures pretty much speak for themselves, really. But I do have to say it was a FANTASTIC SHOW--the kids LOVED IT, and WE loved it! :) (we didn't love, however, the people who apparently thought that show started at some point within the first 15 minutes of it's actual start time. Was so hard to see over them all getting situated! -- pet peeve...there ya have it. :)

But, rude latecomers aside, we loved the show--it was incredible to see how they put everything together--all the talent and hard work! It was truly impressive!

Ken was SO incredible! He looked JUST like the real deal--fake plastic hair and all! :)

Love our Lotso! :)

And Rex (Spencer's personal fave) and Hammie

Slinky dog--love him! And of course, Buzz and Woody!

And Mr. & Mrs. Potato head...

haha...and the aliens from Pizza Planet. "THE CLAW!!!"

The Evil Emperor Zurg!

And the impressive Army men. Loved this part!

We had a great, great time. :)

Friday...FRIDAY?

I KNOW! Friday!? Already?! what?!

Ya, sitting here in complete shock.

It's so strange to me when there are big gaps of days in between posts. I like to post often...I like to write it all down. But, I also like to spend time with my husband. And he's been back in town this week---thus my lack of posting.

But I am sure the days of him being gone long hours again are not too far around the corner and my posting will resume....gotta say though, husband time vs. posting...husband time is waaaaaay better than a post of mine any day!

So here we go...a little catch-up post and some stuff that's been on my mind.

In my big 50 pounds weight loss post, I wrote about ho I wasn't going to journal my weigh-ins anymore because I wasn't sure what my next goal would be--since I mainly want to see how much more my body can lose...and I am not sure what that amount will be. I think there was a big part of me that felt really self-conscious about feeling like my posts were getting boring and same old...

and perhaps it is that way. I'm so, so sorry!

But in a sense, I kind of missed doing that this week when I went to weigh in! (I lost another 1.8 pounds this week by the way! yay!!) And I liked doing that, if for nobody else, for myself--because it gave me a chance to look back, see where I succeeded, where I could do better--to think about my food choices and exercise and really evaluate where I was with things.

Ya know, one thing I know is that these choices and habits are things that I HAVE to make for LIFE because I want to maintain this and be healthy--and some of them are things I will struggle with--because old habits are often hard to break (worth it, but hard!)

Take for instance, my date night with Brandon tonight. We've not been out to eat for a while, and decided to go for some Mexican. Now, I have not eaten at a Mexican restaurant since Carter was born. And I did this by choice. I love Mexican food. I do. And Brandon does as well. But Mexican food in a restaurant was just not something I felt like I wanted to do while I was losing that 50 pounds...I didn't want to face the big basket of chips--and the piles of beans and rice and cheesy, greasy goodness. I suppose I didn't trust myself to make the good choices, since it's a hard place to choose well! I didn't feel deprived of it, I just made it at home--so I could know how much of what was in there, and eat the right portions.

But I also know that I can't avoid Mexican restaurants forever. (and don't want to!)

So out we went, together, to order yummy platters of delicious food. And I wanted to write about it--how I felt about it--and how I triumphed over the giant plate! But then I realized I said my piece...that I wasn't going to write on my weigh-ins anymore, etc. etc. etc. So I am gonna take that right back...it may not be a formal weight countdown, but I still have things to say -- and things to share, about weight loss and success and what has worked for me. And I still feel the need to put it out there...

 I hope you don't mind...truly.

OKAY, so back to the Mexican food issue for me...

1st challenge: the chips and salsa. I surprised myself with how I handled that. I only ate a handful of chips and called it good. I just made sure to BE AWARE of what I was eating, instead of just mindlessly munching until they were gone.

2nd challenge: the food. One of the best and worst things about Mexican food is that they serve SO MUCH of it! And it is SO EASY to just eat and eat until you find yourself STUFFED. I stand behind the fact that a lot of my weight loss has not been giving up ALL the foods I loved, but really focusing on better eating in general so that when there are those indulgences, I can manage it by simply watching portion control. So that's what I did tonight. I basically ate half of everything--enough to taste it all and enjoy it! And I stopped myself several times through the meal to question myself as to whether or not I was actually full. But it really WAS doing a self check that I felt was the thing that helped me have a successful night. I would ask myself, and feel like no, I wasn't done yet. Ate some more. Did the same thing again....and eventually I felt like I was in a good place...full, but not stuffed. So I got a box and put it away so it wasn't right there staring at me.

Truth is, I could have downed that food! It was delicious! And it was all sitting in front of me. But this was just another step on my path to maintaining my weight loss--another piece of proof that I CAN continue to make good decisions...that I CAN eat the foods I love...and that I CAN know and recognize my body's signals and what it needs (or doesn't).

That was a really, really good feeling. And writing it down is too....

In other news, Carter man had his 6 month checkup and shots today. He was SUCH a trooper. Hardly made a peep. But there are always little side effects after shots, and poor Carter is experiencing them now! I feel so sad for him. He measured in at 27 inches tall and weighing 15 pounds. He's tall and skinny and has a big noggin like the other kids have (17 1/2 inches). And he's so darn snuggly... :) mmm....

Anyway, better head to bed now. Just had to pop in for a few and write down a little bit of what was on my mind...(and in my tummy! :)

Signing off... :)

Favorite things!!

So, I happen to have a really incredible friend named Candace. She's seriously one of the sweetest people EVER. And she just so happened to post a pretty incredible giveaway on her blog--giving away a few of her FAVORITE things! And boy does she have some CUUUUUTE stuff she's giving away.

Part of the rules of entry are that I am to post a few of MY favorite things--and that always gets me all sorts of giddy because I love to share my faves! So here's a rundown on a few--in no particular order.


I have been on a hunt for the perfect mascara for..well...for my whole life really. :) I bought this on a whim a couple weeks ago and it was AWESOME! Not clumpy, good volume, definition of lashes...love it! love it! love it! It's rare to me to find a mascara that's good from the first day (it always feels like it takes a few days to break it in). But this was a winner from day one!




My IPOD ranks up there pretty high on my list of favorite things...I use it ALL the time. I listen to music on it while working out, check facebook, email, stay organized, and it's awesome for keeping the kiddos occupied--with pictures and books I downloaded on the kindle app--I track my food on it--I read the news on it--I take pictures and video with it--I just LOVE it.

I especially love it because I got it for FREE for opening a bank account here. Yep--I LOVE free...and I LOVE my Ipod Touch. Perfect combo of bliss. :)





OUR ALARM CLOCK. I know there are others like this, but we have the Emerson Smart Set with time projection. Reasons I love this clock:
1-if the power goes out or the time changes, it automatically resets to the correct time. SWEET!
2-dual alarms. Nuff said.
2-the time projects onto your ceiling or wall. LOOOOOOVE this. It's so nice to not have to roll over and squint to see the numbers on the clock on the nightstand...nope, just glance up at the ceiling for nice, big digits and close your eyes and head back to bed! :)

What's ironic is that I especially love this clock for it's price too--it was mis-labeled when I bought it, so I ended up getting it for less than $10--which I thought was a pretty sweet deal!


My new Dearfoam Slippers I got for Christmas--mine are similar to the ones below, but in a dark red.

I heart red. Lots.

They're soft and cozy, and have memory foam. mmmm.....



I've gotta say, one of my ALL TIME favorite things in my Bosch Mixer--sorry Kitchenaid just doesn't do it for me...my Bosch is the BEST! And I use it all the time! We often joke that if our car motor goes out, we could just put the Bosch in it...ya, it's THAT powerful! {wink, wink} My Grandma gave this to us as a wedding present, and it's been well loved and used often our whole marriage. (this is the newest model pictured below...)



Sigh. Now wasn't that fun??? Want a chance to win some FAVORITE things? Head over to Candace's blog and check out her fun goodies, and then enter to win, win, win-- :)

Gotta write it down before it takes off for good!

Yep--my memory is fading in my ripe old age of 30...and I have had some thoughts and feelings the past few days that I just feel like I need to write down now so I don't forget, because I have a feeling that I will want to look back and remember this down the road.

Brandon just finished up a big round of interviews for residency--which meant he had to be out of town for several days. Sigh. Brandon being gone = the days that never end...where the kids are whining and the house is a mess, and there is no relief at the end because you have to pick it up and cope with it all alone...that is what I was anticipating with him being gone this time.

Don't get me wrong. We've had some clogged toilets and sick kids and numerous loads of laundry and dishes and messes...

But I have felt SUCH calm. Not the "sitting-on-a-beach-watching-the-sunset-and-not-a-care-in-the-world" kind of calm, but the "everything is OKAY" kind of calm. I almost feel, in a sense, that I have grown up some. Sounds like a funny thing to say when you're 30...and perhaps the terminology is more GROWN some...but I feel like I DO have what it takes to face it alone when I need to. Doesn't mean I want to forever (I happen to like having companionship and a husband I love who is my best friend)...but I can handle it. I can.

Well, now the interviews are done. And we wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. Seriously, like 2 more months of waiting to find out where we will move. And while it seems so stressful to face what is literally the UNKNOWN--something we have absolutely NO control over--I simply feel peace.

Yes, PEACE. 

I just feel--I KNOW--that we will end up where we need to be. And it will be good. It may not seem to all unfold perfectly, but in the end, as seen countless times in our lives, I feel 100% confident that Heavenly Father has a plan for us, and that Brandon will match up with the right program for us as a family.

So yes, there is anticipation--like knowing you're being sent a package and having no idea what's inside. It's exciting...

But there is also peace. And calm. And assurance.

I can hardly believe that in 4 short months Brandon will be walking the stage and finishing school. And we will close this chapter and move on to another. It feels all so surreal right now. Weren't we going to be in school for FOREVER?  :)


Forever has come. :)

Carter - 6 months

Let's see....at 6 months Carter is a sweetheart....(most of the time).

It has been really incredible the past month to see his personality develop more and more. Whenever I open the door to leave, he gets all crazy and upset! It is kind of funny actually...he LOVES to snuggle...and he LOOOOOVES to nurse. I feel VERY blessed that I am still able to nurse him, because with all my other kids I've completely lost my milk supply by 4-5 months.

He is more and more interested in grabbing whatever we are holding--the camera, my Ipod, books, etc. And he loves to play with his little link-a-doo monkey he got for Christmas.

Carter is moving like crazy lately! He rolls everywhere and turns every which way when on the floor--and he gets himself into the funniest situations. But truth be told, he LOVES to sleep on the couch--and doesn't roll or move all over if we lay him there. It's very comical...

He's wearing size 2 diapers and switches between his 3-6 mo and 6-9 mo clothes, depending on the style--and he loves ALL food so far. Peaches, bananas, apples, squash, sweet potatoes, peas, green beans...he's a foodie. :)

He makes the CUTEST noises...little coos and squeals. He was "singing" so much the other day but as soon as I tried to record it, he got camera shy! :)

Still can't believe it's been 6 months. Half a year. Wow....but we love our time with our little man!

TANGLED and missing...

Am still playing catch up from Christmas break! I had debated throwing this in with another post, but I felt like it deserved it's own mention--

On New Year's Day I took the kids to see Tangled in the movie theater. A few things to note: we hardly EVER go to the movies. And when we do, we only go if we have a coupon. Thus was the case here--we had a free ticket and then were able to get the cheap tickets for the kids since we went to the first show of the day. Brandon stayed home to watch the wee one who doesn't believe in movie theaters or anywhere that makes you pay attention for more than 3 minutes at a time. :)

The kids were SO excited--we got there extra early to make sure they weren't sold out like the night before--that was such a letdown! So we killed time by walking the theater and going on a scavenger hunt for posters of upcoming movies. Once we had taken a pit stop before the show, we headed to the theater and found our seats.

I absolutely LOVE having the chance to just sit back and watch the kids take in something new...it is truly magical. I just sat at the end of the row and watched their expressions as the lights and colors from the movie splashed across their faces---Brandon and I had made a point to have one on one time with each child over the break, and we did something special with each one. But I loved having time with all 3, without the distractions of a baby (who we love!!), It was just really enjoyable...

The kids and I thought it was such a cute movie--we all really enjoyed ourselves....and then, it was time to leave. We all walked out together into the hallway, when suddenly a large group came stampeding down the hall in front of us, crossing our path and separating us. I located Jenna and Kaden immediately, but I could not find Spencer. I looked and looked, but the people were multiplying at this point and I started to panic, realizing he could very well have gotten swept away with the crowd and spit out to the parking lot--

I grabbed the kids and we raced to the end of the hall--my heart was beating--tears were coming. Somebody offered to watch the kids while I searched and someone else joined me in looking--it was all a blur really. After several minutes of racing every which way looking for him,  I ran into the bathroom wondering if he had made his way there--I saw a group of adults huddling around someone, and felt such relief assuming it was Spencer.

So I was stunned to discover it was someone else. IT WAS A NIGHTMARE. I was running out of places to look--

But as I turned the corner and there was Spencer saying so innocently, "I was looking for you mom!"

I've never been so afraid to have lost a child--usually, if someone goes missing in public, we spot them immediately after and are on our way. This was much, much longer--and my heart literally felt like it was jumping out of my body and beating a million beats a second.

We had a good, long conversation about if anyone is ever lost again--who to talk to and how to find us--and am hoping it sticks with them! :)

THE BIG 5-0...my before and after weight loss pictures!

I will preface this post by saying that this is honestly one of hardest things I have ever done--

There have been some real struggles over letting myself post these pictures--it is like opening the most vulnerable part of me and sharing it with so many people--many that I don't know

 (even though I would love to!)...

It was really hard to look at the BEFORE pictures again. It was hard to stare at that person...the person who stayed unhappy and overweight for so long. I am embarrassed and ashamed at how I was...mostly because I see how I feel now, and REGRET the years and years that I didn't take charge of my life and my health....and my body. And let's face it...I looked pretty bad. It's the honest truth.

{deep breath}

I am posting pictures never seen before by anyone else...pictures I locked deep down inside my computer or cropped to only show my face...and it's taking a whole lot of courage to do so...

So I ask one thing...please, please be gentle with me. :)

That being said, here's my weight loss journey...

I really did not have much of a selection when it comes to pictures of myself...but this is the closest I could get to pre-pregnancy pictures in a full body shot (I was a few weeks pregnant at this point). Take note of the skirt...you'll see it again later!

I went through my pregnancy only gaining 14 pounds (THANKFULLY!!) I obviously didn't diet--but I DID watch my snack consumption and such. Either way I was still so big and felt SO ugly. I didn't want to document that for good...so I debated for a couple weeks whether or not I should take any maternity pictures, since I have never had any taken for any of my pregnancies. In the end, I decided to give it a go and have them done--I do mean the END, because I had Carter the following morning. :) The truth is, I WAS HUGE. (it is still really shocking to look back at these!)

So Carter was born in July...and I got the green light for actively losing weight. I was ready! I quickly got back to my pre-pregnancy weight--and had lost a few pounds below that when Brandon's family was in town in the beginning of August--1 month after I gave birth. These pictures are taken the night we went to see Phantom of the Opera..

At 12 pounds down, I decided I really needed to take a "before" picture. This shirt was TIGHT. Really tight. But it needed to be taken...

20 pounds down I rewarded myself with a new shirt...

And in between there and here...there wasn't much to show for...I  honestly chickened out every time I thought I should take a picture or post something....

BUT...

Remember that skirt in the beginning???

As my 50 pound mark neared, I knew I would need to face the camera and get a picture. My friend Amber took some of me (THANK YOU AMBER!) so that there would be something to up!

I still want to lose another 5-10 pounds. But it isn't a set goal--I just want to see where my body goes as I continue to make good eating choices and training for my 5k next month. I am well within my appropriate BMI at this point, which is something I am really proud of! But I want to work on toning up, becoming stronger, running longer...and feeling comfortable in my own skin.

I will continue to weigh in each week, but probably won't post another weight loss total until my 5k...while I loved journaling each week on my weight loss journey, I have come to a point where it no longer is to me what it was in the beginning--and quite frankly, I feel like I am just rambling each week now! :)

I know this is the beginning of the new year--the perfect time for a new year's resolution--a time for change. I often think back to the post I wrote a while back about making today your someday...you can read the whole thing here. But here is an excerpt I want to share:

.

"Over the past few weeks, several people have made comments to me about how they wish they could have the motivation to be healthy, or eat better, or lose weight, etc. Or it has been mentioned that SOMEDAY they will...

It's made me think. A lot.

I used to be one of those people. The person who was waiting for some magical day, before my life could change for the better. I was waiting for a better schedule, or money for the gym, or some other excuse--anything to put it off because much of me didn't think I could make such a big change. Losing the weight I have lost so far didn't just start up on an appointed day written on a calendar. It is something that started a long time ago--and has progressed, one choice at a time.

 I am amazed at how MUCH I have found I can actually DO when I just switch one thing at a time. 

I want to stop living with a list full of somedays...because I have realized that TODAY is the best day to be your someday. Today is the day to make a small change...to switch things up...to push yourself...to explore something new.

For all of you who were waiting for SOMEDAY to take a step to health, I challenge you to make that change today...maybe you start by just cutting back on sweets...or maybe it's taking a brisk 10 minute walk, or not going back for seconds when you're really not hungry anyway. Or maybe it's buying a loaf of whole wheat bread when you usually buy white, or trying out a new fruit or vegetable--or even just adding in an extra serving of them in your daily eating. 

You've got a day in front of you. You've got choices to make. And it will never get EASIER to be healthier...make today your SOMEDAY start your own little journey to feeling better about YOU."

My own little journey and 50 POUNDS Lighter...I've never felt so good. The weight loss I honestly never thought I could accomplish has happened. And it was so much easier than I ever anticipated it being. The changes I was so scared of, really have changed my life for the better--and I am so, so grateful for that.

Here's to 50 pounds..

New Years--looking back at 2010

2010

Looking back...reflecting...it is one of the things I love most about the new year.

As I look back on this past year, I feel in awe at all that has happened.

We had Brandon being gone on externships, pregnancy, struggles with children and life in general...We added a new member to our family, lost an appendix, had family visits throughout the year... :)

I flew alone with 3 children. I faced that fear.

I set out to eat fish, and to try to like it. And ya know what? I do. At least Tilapia...

 It's even made it into our regular meal rotation. Maybe this year we'll give salmon a try...

still not ready for shrimp or crab. Might not ever be. :)

I started my Joy journal of letters to my kids--and while I didn't end up finishing it the way I hoped (sometimes life gets really, really busy and it was one thing I had to take off my plate), I feel like it really changed my perspective on motherhood.

I turned 30. 

I lost 50 pounds. 

I ran a mile.

And then I ran two miles.

And I started to become a stronger person in general.

A lot happened. A lot changed. And it feels really good to look back and see where I was last year and where I am today.

I have to say that I am SO glad to be starting the new year having almost lost all the weight I am going to, instead of just starting it....it has given me new resolve for this next year. While I don't have a big list of "resolutions", I DO want to continue on the path I have started and become STRONGER. I want to really get my body in tune--and with that, my emotions in check...to keep my body and mind and spirit in a good place, so I can feel peace.

And so I want to focus on STRENGTH this year...in all aspects.

No list. No big promise. Just something I know I want to feel--and the desire to make it happen...

Happy New Start....New Change...New Year.

New Year's Eve--the Mini Meal

For New Year's Eve, we kept things pretty low key--as always. :) After an attempt to take the kids to a movie (we drove all the way there and then found out it was sold out!) we picked up a treat and a redbox and came home to get dinner ready.

 We usually eat appetizers and finger foods on New Year's Eve...big platters of appetizers and finger foods--and I wanted to keep with that tradition, but I thought we would add a new little twist on the tradition and use only mini plates, forks, spoons and cups (instead of having this whole buffet style assortment of unhealthy foods--because the honest truth is that we've not been the most health-conscious in years past!) :) I felt like having finger foods in a meal style would prevent the overeating that usually happens--but still let us get that dose of yummy snacky foods. I bought the mini dishes at my craft store (you can also find them on Amazon: click here to see them) and I bought the little glasses in the wedding section for a few cents a piece.

The kids were SO excited! The loved the itty-bitty dishes...which was my goal. :) I wanted this holiday to be more about the fun experience than the whole assortment of food we usually have. I think it was a success.

A rundown of how we made our mini meal--
Tiny Tostadas--we originally had planned on making this tacos, but I felt like we had enough meat in our meal, so we skipped it and just used refried beans flavored with taco seasoning--I used my cake decorating tips and piped the beans into the baked Tostito bites, and then topped with cheese and cooked until melted.

Bite Size Burgers: While inspired by the burgers I saw here, ours were altered a bit to accommodate for our needs. had 4 Rhodes rolls left in my freezer--needing to be gone--so I cut them in half and then let them rise a little bit before baking and slicing in half to be the burger buns. And I used some ground turkey to make the patties--if you do the same, be sure to flatten your meat out really well (almost double the size of you bun)--
it shrinks up while cooking!!

MINI-strone soup- uh, we're pretty simple here. Just open the can and serve. lol. Wasn't feeling ambitious enough to do the real deal, but Progresso makes a good Minestrone. :)

Margarita Flatbread Pizza - again, we went store bought, mainly because we got this free from an order we placed through a fundraiser at Jenna's school. But after eating this, I will be on the lookout for a recipe to make our own. IT WAS DELICIOUS!

Banana Split Bites - was inspired by the cutest little website. Ours ended up a little different though--mainly because I could not find big enough, and firm enough bananas! You definitely have to have a big banana to be able to hollow it out and fill it with ice cream. I barely managed for the kids' banana split bites, but skipped the ice cream filling for mine--will try again with better bananas. HOWEVER, I love them just as much without the ice cream. A few minutes in the freezer to harden the chocolate made it dessert-like enough for me! :)

Just so you can see....itty bitty dishes, for itty bitty hands.

It was a fantastic time! I am excited to make it an annual thing--and to be on the looking for more itty bitty food to make next year!!!
Happy NEW YEAR!