Oh my goodness....
The more this pregnancy progresses, the more sick I get.
{shudder} Literally, I have had days I cannot even begin to drag myself out of the house to see the sunshine. Poor Carter has become close friends with Netflix and microwave popcorn.
The nausea. Oh my goodness, the nausea. I feel all sorts of whiny and over-dramatic, but seriously it's doing me in big time. Morning sickness? Whatever...it's all. day. long. And in the night. And then back full force in the morning.
I haven't found one thing that cures it. And I find myself going through a food obstacle course every twenty minutes or so...hmm, does an egg sound good? Or will that bagel do the trick? Crackers? No, soup? Maybe. After a bite or two, I re-evaluate...it either hits the spot or makes me gag.
But what has helped?
Bagels. The big ones. No more bagel thins for me. I need a full on carb attack, apparently.
Root beer floats. No idea why...but it seems to help take the edge off.
Pasta. Though I haven't had any...it sounds incredible. Why have I not had this? Oh ya, because I can barely scrape myself off the couch to make anything for dinner right now. ;)
Mashed potatoes. Did I mention this nausea is only helped by an immense amount of carbohydrates? Ya.
Unfortunately, I picked up some Chick-fil-a today and just the smell about made me lose my lunch. That was a sad, sad moment.
I am beyond grateful Carter naps still. Every day we have our naptime...I lay down and sleep--most times only 15-20 minutes. But it's something.
I ended up getting a bladder infection, which the Dr. says has affected my nausea. However, the antibiotic I was prescribed causes...wait for it...nausea. So I am not really getting any relief. It's nausea on top of nausea and quite frankly it stinks. I had fever, chills, and extremely shaky this week. I do, however, feel some strength today. Feeling like it may be on the up and up...just hoping I can catch a break soon.
A couple sweet friends picked up on my ickiness and were so amazing to bring dinner over 2 nights this week. I don't think I could have managed to make much of anything, and I am so grateful for them.
I remember that I have always been sick with pregnancies...but this one has wiped me out particularly bad. Maybe it's because I am over 30 now. Maybe it's because it's been a long time between babies. Who knows? But I am trying to see the silver lining and say that sickness = health. That ultimately when I feel sick it means the baby is growing. But I do have moments I wish I could fast forward another 5 weeks and feel remotely normal again.
8 weeks now. Still so early, I know. But counting the days as though it were our first, and feeling incredibly grateful despite all this sickness.
Friday, September 27, 2013
Part 2--The "surprise"
Wanting to write down the details of this pregnancy while I remember them...which at the rate my brain is working nowadays, is not long. :)
CAUTION: This post contains more info than many people will care to read or know. Feel free to move along now...
When I said this baby wasn't a surprise, I meant that we wanted it. But finding out I was pregnant was definitely a surprise!
Many people know that I had an IUD put in after Carter was born. And I did fine with it, until I stopped nursing. It was then that my body spiraled into a hormonal state of disaster. Weeks on end I would feel pregnant--everything from sleeplessness to restless legs to nausea and headaches. But I wasn't. It was terrible. I would be okay for a week or two, and then something else would happen. Migraines--oh my goodness, terrible migraines. I hated it so much. But I also knew we didn't want another baby and I didn't have another good solution.
Once we felt prompted to have another baby, I went in to have it taken out. It was one of the most exciting days ever...I couldn't wait to be rid of it. And I figured, even if we didn't get pregnant, I would be done with it forever. Long story short, they couldn't find it. They couldn't find the strings, and once they did an ultrasound to find it, they couldn't grab it. They kept digging and scraping and trying to pull it. It was a painful experience, to say the least. They finally called another Dr in, and he was able to get it out finally, bringing with it a large chunk of tissue. Apparently it had moved and started to implant itself into the uterine wall.
I felt so blessed when I left...that things worked out in a way that allowed me to have it out at the right time.
I waited...and waited...and waited. And my cycle never returned. I was baffled...2 months later and still nothing. Now, don't get me wrong. On any other day that would have been exciting. But I had been told that before you could get pregnant, you would have to have a cycle or two. So it felt like time was ticking slowly by and there was nothing I could do about it.
I decided in the meantime I was going to get active again, and really tackle the eating habits that had gone off track this summer. I was doing good--I had lost 2.2 pounds in my first week and felt like I was starting to get back. But I had also found myself starting to feel icky--I actually thought it was that I had a food addiction and that feeling the need to eat all the time was me weaning myself off. I kind of laugh now. :) Even after losing those few pounds, I started to find it hard to button my shorts. And I noticed my gums were really sore (which in the past has been an indicator of pregnancy for me). I didn't think much of it--but realizing it had been over 2 months and needing some peace of mind to know I still wasn't pregnant, I took a test.
Immediately it was positive.
And even though there were signs, I was stunned. I never had the return of a cycle. Never. I didn't think it was remotely possible to be pregnant, but apparently it is. :)
I stood there shaking. And then I questioned the validity of my .88 Walmart pregnancy test. :) So I took another.
Same thing. Positive.
I took a trip to the local hospital to make triple sure...a few hours later, same news. Positive. Almost 7 weeks at that point.
I was stunned...excited...amazed. Seriously, the Lord's timing was incredible. And I found it funny during the time I was moping about how the Lord wasn't responding to the prompting He gave me, I had been pregnant all along.
It was a very good reminder for me to trust in HIS timing...and in HIS plan...and that He will often give us those happy surprises after the trial of our faith.
CAUTION: This post contains more info than many people will care to read or know. Feel free to move along now...
When I said this baby wasn't a surprise, I meant that we wanted it. But finding out I was pregnant was definitely a surprise!
Many people know that I had an IUD put in after Carter was born. And I did fine with it, until I stopped nursing. It was then that my body spiraled into a hormonal state of disaster. Weeks on end I would feel pregnant--everything from sleeplessness to restless legs to nausea and headaches. But I wasn't. It was terrible. I would be okay for a week or two, and then something else would happen. Migraines--oh my goodness, terrible migraines. I hated it so much. But I also knew we didn't want another baby and I didn't have another good solution.
Once we felt prompted to have another baby, I went in to have it taken out. It was one of the most exciting days ever...I couldn't wait to be rid of it. And I figured, even if we didn't get pregnant, I would be done with it forever. Long story short, they couldn't find it. They couldn't find the strings, and once they did an ultrasound to find it, they couldn't grab it. They kept digging and scraping and trying to pull it. It was a painful experience, to say the least. They finally called another Dr in, and he was able to get it out finally, bringing with it a large chunk of tissue. Apparently it had moved and started to implant itself into the uterine wall.
I felt so blessed when I left...that things worked out in a way that allowed me to have it out at the right time.
I waited...and waited...and waited. And my cycle never returned. I was baffled...2 months later and still nothing. Now, don't get me wrong. On any other day that would have been exciting. But I had been told that before you could get pregnant, you would have to have a cycle or two. So it felt like time was ticking slowly by and there was nothing I could do about it.
I decided in the meantime I was going to get active again, and really tackle the eating habits that had gone off track this summer. I was doing good--I had lost 2.2 pounds in my first week and felt like I was starting to get back. But I had also found myself starting to feel icky--I actually thought it was that I had a food addiction and that feeling the need to eat all the time was me weaning myself off. I kind of laugh now. :) Even after losing those few pounds, I started to find it hard to button my shorts. And I noticed my gums were really sore (which in the past has been an indicator of pregnancy for me). I didn't think much of it--but realizing it had been over 2 months and needing some peace of mind to know I still wasn't pregnant, I took a test.
Immediately it was positive.
And even though there were signs, I was stunned. I never had the return of a cycle. Never. I didn't think it was remotely possible to be pregnant, but apparently it is. :)
I stood there shaking. And then I questioned the validity of my .88 Walmart pregnancy test. :) So I took another.
Same thing. Positive.
I took a trip to the local hospital to make triple sure...a few hours later, same news. Positive. Almost 7 weeks at that point.
I was stunned...excited...amazed. Seriously, the Lord's timing was incredible. And I found it funny during the time I was moping about how the Lord wasn't responding to the prompting He gave me, I had been pregnant all along.
It was a very good reminder for me to trust in HIS timing...and in HIS plan...and that He will often give us those happy surprises after the trial of our faith.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Promises and Promptings
Wow, ANOTHER kid? How many more are you going to have? Was this a surprise?
Things I hear frequently now...
This 5th baby was a very hard decision...not an accident. Not a surprise. Our original "life plan" included 3 kids. That sounded right. But when Spencer came much quicker than anticipated, we both realized soon after that we did indeed have another little one. Our life would not be the same with our little Carter bug, and I am grateful we listened to that prompting.
The more time passed, the more comfortable we became with our 4. 4 is an even number. We have the exact number of hooks for a family of 6 on our Christmas stocking holder. Our kids sleep through the night, don't wear diapers, are independent and growing. Life really felt pretty good...
We had actually had several discussions about how this was good. We were done. And even though I had never had that billboard answer flash before my face that it was the right choice, I was beginning to feel satisfied with our family number and be okay to close the door on the childbirth chapter of life.
A few months ago, I dreamed that we found out we were having a baby girl. It was one of the most incredible, vivid dreams I have ever had. I woke up feeling the most overwhelming joy...a tangible, exuberant joy. The dream opened the closing chapter, and made me think twice. Brandon and I talked about it, prayed about it...it was a topic that we knew carried tremendous weight on our future and our family.
And while we both felt like we would be okay to have our 4 kids and just go along enjoying the comfortable stage we are in, we both felt that if we would have that 5th baby, our lives would be filled with the kind of joy I felt in my dream.
I am not a sign seeker...I don't pretend to be a fortune teller. :) I cannot even promise we will have a girl--our track record proves that boys are kind of our thing, and if that's what we have we will love him so much! But I CAN say that what I felt was so real. And I recognized the promises that come if we follow promptings.
It was soon after I came across a talk by Elder Neil L. Anderson (you can read/watch it here--it's excellent!: http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/children?lang=eng&query=we+believe+in+families)
The words highlighted at the beginning of the talk really struck right to my heart as I was searching and pondering what to do...
I testify of the great blessing of children and of the happiness they will bring us in this life and in the eternities.
I know this to be true...even on rough days. Even when money is tight, and kids aren't getting along and life feels hard to carry. I love my children so much. I feel so honored to be their mother and raise them with Brandon. The frustrations are there many days, but in my core they are my world and I love them immensely.
I am scared to pieces to be walking this path. I am older than I ever have been. ;) I am terrified about gaining all my weight back--especially since I get so nauseous and have to eat constantly to try to find any relief. I'm already starting to pop out and be bloated, and can't button my pants anymore. I am nervous to venture into the rocky waters of sleepless nights and crying and blowout diapers. And it's a little overwhelming that I have not a single piece of maternity clothes, baby clothes, or any baby gear. At. All. And something about the number 5 seems to cross the line from normal amount of kids to BIG family. :) I worry about judgements--about people taking what they know of me and my shortcomings and feel that I would not be a good mom for another child. And I have the anxiety of Brandon not having a job lined up for next year yet--knowing that soon after this baby is born we will pack our family up and move somewhere new...after "hopefully" selling our house. :) There is a lot on our plate this year, to say the least. :)
But judgements, weight gain, sleepless nights, and an entirely crazy year aside, I have to believe that the Lord has His hand in this. I have rarely felt more sure about something.
It's a crazy adventure...our kids are so excited. SO excited. They have told anyone who will even remotely listen, sometimes twice, and they are constantly talking about it and thinking about this new baby who will be joining our family.
Are we hoping for a girl? I'd be lying if I said no. Jenna would love to have a sister. LOVE. And the boys have all voted, surprisingly, for a sister. I cannot promise anything, but it would be so fun to add more to team pink. But blue flies high here in this house, and we would be happy then too. :)
Just going forward with faith, excitement, and a lot of nausea, knowing that there are some incredible promises when we are willing to follow life's promptings. :)
But judgements, weight gain, sleepless nights, and an entirely crazy year aside, I have to believe that the Lord has His hand in this. I have rarely felt more sure about something.
It's a crazy adventure...our kids are so excited. SO excited. They have told anyone who will even remotely listen, sometimes twice, and they are constantly talking about it and thinking about this new baby who will be joining our family.
Are we hoping for a girl? I'd be lying if I said no. Jenna would love to have a sister. LOVE. And the boys have all voted, surprisingly, for a sister. I cannot promise anything, but it would be so fun to add more to team pink. But blue flies high here in this house, and we would be happy then too. :)
Just going forward with faith, excitement, and a lot of nausea, knowing that there are some incredible promises when we are willing to follow life's promptings. :)
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Prego
CRAVING salty...fries, chips, anything...
Could eat chewy candy by the bag full...swedish fish, starburst, yep.
Have at least 3 breakfasts each morning...
Can't bring myself to eat yogurt yet...unless it has crunchy cereal in it.
Enjoy corn tortillas with beans and cheese, soup, and toasted English muffins...
Have a nap every day scheduled when Carter takes his.
Even then, I find myself asleep just past 9 every night.
I thought we would be able to keep it a secret for a while...
But we have 4 little people who, once they were told, wanted to tell anyone and everyone.
And I've been sick enough that it's impossible to pretend I feel great.
Finding it hard to button my shorts...
I may have to live in a dress or yoga pants for the next few months.
Because this girl doesn't own a single piece of maternity clothes...
Yep, expecting baby #5.
Due May 9, 2014.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
What we're up to...
Every once in a while I have times where I just need to do a mass update of sorts...sort of spill all the latest that I haven't written about yet and hope it counts. :)
So here's a little rundown...
Brandon-- is still the Elder's Quorum president at church, and keeps really busy with a plethora of to-do's. :) He is finishing his 3rd month on the V.A. rotation (which we cannot wait to bid farewell to) and is in full swing with job application "stuff"...praying lots that he finds a good job. We have talked lots about where we want to end up, (oddly enough Sacramento is really high on our list!) and have a few places in mind, but we are very open to wherever the Lord would have us go. Now if God could kindly post His intentions on a billboard and let the employee-seekers know about us, that would be really great. :) And in the meantime, if anyone knows of a Podiatrist office looking to hire a really awesome guy, we are interested! :)
Rachel--School has been in session a couple weeks now and I have felt a tremendous relief! I desperately needed a chance to breathe and gather myself, and this has been good. I feel like I am a much better mom when the kids come home, and I LOOOOOVE having them all tucked in and asleep by 7:30. Dinner has been homecooked almost every night and is always started early in the day. It has felt really good to be productive and back into a routine.
I struggle, however, with the fact that this former Weight Watchers leader has gained some pounds this summer. I feel like I should know it all and do it all, and do it right and perfect...that I should never see the scale creep up and have all my habits in check at all times. But the reality is, I am human. And I was stressed this summer. And much to my dismay, I let some things slide. I am trying not to beat myself up now and to just get myself back on track--which I am doing--but the beating is hard to let go of. I think one of my greatest fears in disappointing people--and in many ways I feel like gaining 5 pounds has done just that, not only to others but especially myself. Just trying to grab hold and get back to a good place...a healthy place. A place where I am not hating the choices I made and where it has taken me. And desperately trying to not be so disappointed in myself.
Jenna--started 4th grade and is such a funny girl. Jenna seriously has her own style and often chooses days to dress as themes. Today was gymnastics day--she wore her cheer shirt and leggings so she would be ready at a moments notice to teach gymnastics should her friends ask. However, at school she realized she had promised her friend they would play horses instead, so gymnastics theme was canceled and she has marked tomorrow as western wear day. Sigh. :) She is in dance with a little group that a friend teaches and loves it--and if I am completely honest, she is much better than we ever thought she would be. It was surprising--pleasantly so.
Kaden--started 2nd grade and loves to read. Every chance he gets, he loves to grab his book. Kaden surprises me sometimes, because he can be looked at as being shy or timid at times, but he is HILARIOUS other times! Once you get to know him, he is seriously a character. He is becoming more and more big boy, and less little toddler boy. Gasp--my 7 year old not a toddler anymore? :) His once super chubby little body has shot up and is thin and taller--though Spencer has caught up and even pulled ahead by half inch or so.
Spencer--he is now in 1st grade. His speech is improving more and more and he really is becoming a good little reader. I just had a meeting with his teacher and speech therapist today and they said as of today he is released from Speech! He is still working on a few things, but she thinks they are developmental and will come in time. He often asks to read extra scripture verses in our scripture study, and his teacher said he is above his reading goal already. I have to remind myself that the other little quirks (ie...not liking to do any work around the house) will also come around in time. :)
Carter--this little guy and I have been spending our days together. He is obsessed with the Kindle and always asks to play on it. Some days it is a struggle to moderate that because his cute little face knows how to get what he wants. :) He loves to repeat a scripture verse with us, and wants to be the one to say EVERY prayer. And dang it he is so cute when, if we choose someone else he says, " no, TARTER say it!" (meaning, Carter says it!) Carter LOVES babies and he loves being in nursery.
We're slowly, but surely going through things and wrapping up projects on our house--it's strange to think we will be listing it for sale in less than 6 months. Gosh, just writing that has me panicking. :) It is no secret that we have been worried about selling since the day we bought. I have tried not to stress about it, but it's really, really hard not to. They keep building more detailed homes with more amenities, etc right around us, and it's hard to know that is what we will compete with. But this was the right thing for us to do when we did--I have to tell myself over and over that Heavenly Father will provide a way--He always does.
Thanks to our warm Texas weather, I don't bother with back to school clothes shopping. Pretty much, the kids wear what they already have and we move them up a size when they are ready. But I love having a new first day of school outfit. We did something this year that I actually ended up loving--we scheduled family pictures for right before school started, and the new outfit purchased for pictures was the first day of school outfit. It had them SO excited for pictures--in fact, our photographer got sick and we had to reschedule, and the kids were SO upset. I knew I would be busy with my own photo sessions in the Fall, and having it at the end of summer, although really warm, was perfect timing. :)
It's really hard to believe how quickly time is going. It is a very literal "days feel like months and months feel like days" kind of situation. I am trying to embrace these changes and time as it is...and think I am ready to start reliving some of the good moments that took place this summer and possibly catch up a little here on the blog. :)
Time will tell... :)
So here's a little rundown...
Brandon-- is still the Elder's Quorum president at church, and keeps really busy with a plethora of to-do's. :) He is finishing his 3rd month on the V.A. rotation (which we cannot wait to bid farewell to) and is in full swing with job application "stuff"...praying lots that he finds a good job. We have talked lots about where we want to end up, (oddly enough Sacramento is really high on our list!) and have a few places in mind, but we are very open to wherever the Lord would have us go. Now if God could kindly post His intentions on a billboard and let the employee-seekers know about us, that would be really great. :) And in the meantime, if anyone knows of a Podiatrist office looking to hire a really awesome guy, we are interested! :)
Rachel--School has been in session a couple weeks now and I have felt a tremendous relief! I desperately needed a chance to breathe and gather myself, and this has been good. I feel like I am a much better mom when the kids come home, and I LOOOOOVE having them all tucked in and asleep by 7:30. Dinner has been homecooked almost every night and is always started early in the day. It has felt really good to be productive and back into a routine.
I struggle, however, with the fact that this former Weight Watchers leader has gained some pounds this summer. I feel like I should know it all and do it all, and do it right and perfect...that I should never see the scale creep up and have all my habits in check at all times. But the reality is, I am human. And I was stressed this summer. And much to my dismay, I let some things slide. I am trying not to beat myself up now and to just get myself back on track--which I am doing--but the beating is hard to let go of. I think one of my greatest fears in disappointing people--and in many ways I feel like gaining 5 pounds has done just that, not only to others but especially myself. Just trying to grab hold and get back to a good place...a healthy place. A place where I am not hating the choices I made and where it has taken me. And desperately trying to not be so disappointed in myself.
Jenna--started 4th grade and is such a funny girl. Jenna seriously has her own style and often chooses days to dress as themes. Today was gymnastics day--she wore her cheer shirt and leggings so she would be ready at a moments notice to teach gymnastics should her friends ask. However, at school she realized she had promised her friend they would play horses instead, so gymnastics theme was canceled and she has marked tomorrow as western wear day. Sigh. :) She is in dance with a little group that a friend teaches and loves it--and if I am completely honest, she is much better than we ever thought she would be. It was surprising--pleasantly so.
Kaden--started 2nd grade and loves to read. Every chance he gets, he loves to grab his book. Kaden surprises me sometimes, because he can be looked at as being shy or timid at times, but he is HILARIOUS other times! Once you get to know him, he is seriously a character. He is becoming more and more big boy, and less little toddler boy. Gasp--my 7 year old not a toddler anymore? :) His once super chubby little body has shot up and is thin and taller--though Spencer has caught up and even pulled ahead by half inch or so.
Spencer--he is now in 1st grade. His speech is improving more and more and he really is becoming a good little reader. I just had a meeting with his teacher and speech therapist today and they said as of today he is released from Speech! He is still working on a few things, but she thinks they are developmental and will come in time. He often asks to read extra scripture verses in our scripture study, and his teacher said he is above his reading goal already. I have to remind myself that the other little quirks (ie...not liking to do any work around the house) will also come around in time. :)
Carter--this little guy and I have been spending our days together. He is obsessed with the Kindle and always asks to play on it. Some days it is a struggle to moderate that because his cute little face knows how to get what he wants. :) He loves to repeat a scripture verse with us, and wants to be the one to say EVERY prayer. And dang it he is so cute when, if we choose someone else he says, " no, TARTER say it!" (meaning, Carter says it!) Carter LOVES babies and he loves being in nursery.
We're slowly, but surely going through things and wrapping up projects on our house--it's strange to think we will be listing it for sale in less than 6 months. Gosh, just writing that has me panicking. :) It is no secret that we have been worried about selling since the day we bought. I have tried not to stress about it, but it's really, really hard not to. They keep building more detailed homes with more amenities, etc right around us, and it's hard to know that is what we will compete with. But this was the right thing for us to do when we did--I have to tell myself over and over that Heavenly Father will provide a way--He always does.
Thanks to our warm Texas weather, I don't bother with back to school clothes shopping. Pretty much, the kids wear what they already have and we move them up a size when they are ready. But I love having a new first day of school outfit. We did something this year that I actually ended up loving--we scheduled family pictures for right before school started, and the new outfit purchased for pictures was the first day of school outfit. It had them SO excited for pictures--in fact, our photographer got sick and we had to reschedule, and the kids were SO upset. I knew I would be busy with my own photo sessions in the Fall, and having it at the end of summer, although really warm, was perfect timing. :)
It's really hard to believe how quickly time is going. It is a very literal "days feel like months and months feel like days" kind of situation. I am trying to embrace these changes and time as it is...and think I am ready to start reliving some of the good moments that took place this summer and possibly catch up a little here on the blog. :)
Time will tell... :)
Monday, September 2, 2013
Labor Day weekend
Labor Day weekend we were able to have Jason and Mindi come down and visit and we, of course, had to go to the water park. I didn't think I actually took my camera there too much this summer, but after posting all these pictures I am realizing I took it quite often. :)
(Mindi and the kids in the lazy river)
Mindi and Cora
Cora the cutie!
Uncle Jason and David
David--cracking me up!
Kaden
Jenna and Cailyn--these girls love to spend time together!
We have loved our chances to get together with the other Texas Holloways while we live here--they are pretty special people and we sure love 'em!
(Mindi and the kids in the lazy river)
Mindi and Cora
Cora the cutie!
Uncle Jason and David
David--cracking me up!
Kaden
Jenna and Cailyn--these girls love to spend time together!
We have loved our chances to get together with the other Texas Holloways while we live here--they are pretty special people and we sure love 'em!
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