CRAVING...

In thinking of a name for this baby girl (pinching myself..is it really a girl???) I laughed when I had the thought that I should name her Debbie since I have developed a strange and incredibly strong desire to have Little Debbie snacks on a regular basis.

Also on my list of cravings...
baked potatoes with chili
chocolate frosty from Wendy's
strawberry jam on toast
noodles...lots of noodles
steak
pizza
Taco bell crunchy taco
breakfast foods--any and all!
Sixlets

so yes...either this baby is going to be born a junk food junkie or I will have diabetes. lol

I can't stand the thought of...
meatloaf
certain chicken dishes
many leftovers
bacon that isn't perfectly crisp
many vegetables (this makes me so sad!)
sweet and salty pop crisps
eggs if they aren't made just right
ripe bananas
things that are mostly chocolate (minus the frosty)
lowfat or fat free yogurt

I have continued on having "morning" (or really all day) sickness that really affects my gag reflux for certain foods. It's much more manageable now, and I can just deal with it most of the time. But is also means I have to eat every hour or so or I find myself dry heaving. It's pretty stinky.

I have really just had to stop weighing myself. Psychologically this pregnancy has been really hard and completely opposite of what I envisioned--staying at my pre-pregnancy but post weight loss figure and just having a baby bump pop out and look cute. NEVER in my wildest dreams did I think that I would be sick unless eating a snack cake or have to eat almost all day long. And I certainly never imagined that my body would look like it does. I can definitely compare myself to a cookie--the ball of dough has little lumps and bumps to begin with, but when it starts to bake everything just spreads out. :) That's me. The back, the front, the top, Depressing.

I am thrilled for this baby--but coming from a person who has lost a large sum of weight and been a leader of a weight loss group, craving complete junk and having it be the one thing that helps take away the sickness really does make me feel ashamed of myself.

Just have to keep plugging along. Hoping that the nausea eases and I can get back to eating normal healthy snacks at normal times and try to be out and more active! I know it would feel so good, if I could do so without having to throw up.

Almost 19 weeks...man, time is flying by!

Girls

IT'S A.....


.

The day started early--I thought I would sleep soundly, but I woke at 3 a.m. Tossed and turned and couldn't deny that the anxiety had somehow got to me. Thankfully I scheduled my ultrasound for 8 a.m. so I wouldn't have to wait through the day.

I remember every ultrasound till this one, not sleeping for days before, just being so anxious and excited to know. Truth me told, this time I totally fine to wait--even though we were excited to know. There is something about this being IT--final--THE END that put some extra pressure on me.

On one hand, we have felt since Kaden that we had another girl waiting to come to our family. And this summer I had that incredibly vivid dream in which we were having an ultrasound and being told we were having a girl--and we weren't even pregnant! And then there is the sister factor-that my sweet Jenna has begged, pleaded, prayed for, and wished she would somehow have a sister. I wanted to trust my instincts, but I was seriously doubting--especially after 3 boys in a row. :)

On the other hand, I told myself to let go of that idea and just accept it would be another boy. And that was really kind of disheartening. YES, YES, YES we would have loved this boy and been thrilled--but I wanted to trust my instincts. REALLY trust myself and the experiences I had.

So there was a little hesitation to find out--I really talked myself into just believing it would be a boy. We tried to talk to each of the kids about the possibility of it being a boy, since last time there were some serious tears involved from the girl of the family. :)

As I lay there this morning in the dark exam room while the technician measured and checked and saw how the little babe was growing, my heart was pounding as she moved on to the gender. I looked away and winced just waiting for her to tell me she saw little boy parts...as has been the case the past 3 times. :)

That sounds terrible. I know. Again, it isn't that I don't love my boys. I have been blessed with such great little guys. They are sweet and funny and snuggly and SO incredibly special to me.

But this is it. This baby is the last chance for those other thoughts and feelings to come to be.

So I waited for her to break it to me--to tell me it was a boy.

And much to my surprise she stated calm and collected, "it looks like it's a girl..."

I about jumped off the table as I practically shouted, "WHAT!?" 

She showed us again, and walked through why she thought that. 

I was stunned.

I still am.

We finished our appointment and I ran home to put some things together so I could go get the kids out of class to tell them. I was THAT excited.
I had each of them hold a letter upside down on their lap.
It was either G-I-R-L or B-O-Y-!
So on the count of 3, they all lifted their letters and saw the answer.
It was SO great! They were so happy--and truly so surprised!
I recorded it to share--or at least I thought I did. Unfortunately, in my excitement I forgot to actually push the record button. :) But I think it will always be fresh in my mind. It was so special.

All day I pinch myself to make sure this is my reality. :) Granted, I am aware that what should have been girls have been born boys and nothing is 100% until signed, sealed and delivered in the hospital. :)
But I find myself dreaming of buying pink and lavender and ruffled outfits with cute bows.
I find myself referring to "the girls"...that sounds so, so good.
I can finally start thinking of names...and making that connection with this special spirit inside of me.
And all the kids, even those boys, were SO hoping for a girl. And they are all SO excited.

This was one of my favorite ultrasound pictures--I told the kids the baby did this (put her hand on her head) when she overheard me telling the ultrasound technician that we had 3 boys in the house. They laughed--

It's still overwhelming some days, to think about going back to the baby stage, being up much of the night, and adjusting to 5 kids while selling our house and finding a job and preparing to move. But the feeling I have had all day--that joy--pure joy, has taken away all of that stress if even but for a moment.

Tonight feels joyful and light and fresh and so very good.
Thank goodness for little boys--and especially today, for little girls.