Change

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I've written several posts about this now...

I've tucked them away for safe-keeping.

Just know, this thought has come to my mind time and time again the past few days.
It has really stirred up a great need for change in myself.

And it has reminded me that the insecurity I feel, is not because of who I am...
It is because I am so dang caught up in worrying about what I am not...

And when I look at it from the place I am at tonight,
worrying about what I am not, sounds completely ridiculous.

Time to change...to be better...To be more accepting of me...

I'm a WEANER!

Sleep is calling my name, but there's something else more important on my mind...

Sweet little Carter...13 months (and 12 days...in case you were counting and wanted to make sure your days were right)..I just can't believe how quickly he is growing and changing.

Despite dealing with my appendectomy shortly after he was born...and the staph infection I had after that, and a variety of other setbacks, he has been my LONGEST breastfed child.

I know, I know...you didn't come to this blog to read about my child's nutritional hookup, I get it. :) But this is something really monumental to me. I never had a milk supply after about 4 months with my other 3 kids. I never had to wean anyone. They just all gave up on me and moved on to greener pastures, so to speak. I cried over it some, and fell subject to feelings of guilt and discouragement.

I fully intended this time would be the same. But 4 months passed. And then 5 months. And 6 months. And when he was about 9 months and we were packing our house and dealing with basement flooding and stresses I didn't think I could take, I swore I was weaning him them. So when 11 months rolled around, and we had somehow packed the house and moved cross country and were settling in, I was surprised to say I was still nursing him.

Needless to say,  month 12 and 13 passed without a change in status...

I tried here and there, but I hated feeling like I was betraying him...because he sure let me know he was angry when I attempted not to nurse him.

It's just been in the past 2 weeks...after we got home from our trip, with things calming down. He sleeps all night again (HALLELUJAH!) and slowly but surely, he's let go of needing me like that.

And sometimes that's hard to let go of our special time...like when he would lay next to me and snuggle his sweet little body close to mine and rub his hand all over my face, even though it drove me crazy. Sometimes it makes me feel a little nutso--like wanting to feel free from nursing and being tied to that, and yet at the same time feeling like I want to turn back time to when I had something to give him that only I could give...to make myself take time to sit down and take in every part of his sweet baby self.

And so this closes a chapter in our book--no more nursing. Just more growing, chasing, and snuggling my little boy who is so very much on the run nowadays...

71 days straight...

...of triple digit temps.

Texas has been hot, hot, hot this summer...

Nobody can complain about a lack of sunshine, that is for sure. :) 

It is strange to think that fall is around the corner...that school has started and we're supposed to start thinking crisp leaves and apple pie and sweaters when right now we're embracing shade and popsicles and swimsuits. I found it interesting this week, that I've actually missed hitting up the pool every day.

I've missed the smell of chlorine in the damp towels hanging in my laundry room.

And I've been thrown off not picking up my mail every day on our daily walk to swim.

...and it's only been 4 days since we last went.

This afternoon I had to turn on the hose to spray off a piece I plan on repainting. Spencer joined me and ran through the overspray of water, then filling his bucket with water and pouring it on the garage floor so he could jump in a puddle.

I realized then that it was time...we needed some splash park time!

So, when the kids got out of school we raced through homework and loaded up.

Loved listening to their hilarious imaginations...
Loved watching them interact and play so nice...
Loved watching them cool down...

and ya know, I really loved passing those damp towels in my laundry room tonight.

My Back to School Bunch...

After a summer of moving, unpacking, playing, traveling, swimming, and sun, sun, sun...the time has come and my busy bunch of kiddos went back to school today...

The first day went well for the kids...

When asked how the first day was, Jenna responded, "AWESOME!" She's in 2nd grade this year and very excited. :) She picked a library book out today (I know, first day and already going to the library, LOVE IT!) and came home so excited to read it and get her "homework" done. If only the novelty lasted. :)

I have to laugh about her wardrobe...she's a pretty small girl for her age, and so there's not been a need to really buy any new school clothes, since all her clothes from LAST summer still fit her. :) But I snagged some great deals on things to wear in the next size up, and she begged to pick something out for the first day. When she came home from school today, she commented that there was someone else at her school who had a shirt a lot like her dress. If only she knew her "dress" was really probably the same shirt that other girl was wearing. :)

Kaden. My little kindergarten guy. I can't believe he's already starting a big, long full day of school. He had a great day and thought school was so much fun! I'm hoping that lasts. :)

He asked to sit next to me after school and have me read through all his paperwork. He snuggled in and listened to all the letters to parents like they were storybooks. He's a great little guy...and I love seeing him grow up. :)

Spencer...this little guy is in pre-k this year. We LOVE, LOVE his teacher and I am so excited for him to be back in school. He has relapsed in his speech progress over the summer and I am hoping that getting back in the swing of things and working with a speech therapist again will help get him where he needs to be. HE LOVES to learn and is so kind and thoughtful with his classmates and friends, and I think he is going to have an AWESOME year. :)

I've had a few thoughts today--I didn't get too teary-eyed...mainly because I was running so much with drop-off and pick-up and first day of school errands. But it crossed my mind today that when I got all teared up that I wasn't sad because I was taking them to school--to be honest they LOVE having a place to go and learn and be with friends and do their own thing. They love coming home and telling me about their days and having teachers and such. And I love that they love that and that they HAVE that.

But what got me all teary-eyed was thinking about if they were feeling insecure when faced with a new experience. I wondered if there would be someone who would not be kind. How would that make them feel? How would they respond? I worried about not being there to make sure they got everywhere they needed to be and assure them things would be fine.

They're growing up. The time seems to be flying by. And while I wish I could be there every single moment to make sure they would always feel that reassurance, I can't. But I can love them...and squeeze them tight...and hope that what we are giving as parents and what we have as a family will carry over and make everything somehow feel okay when things are rough, or hard, or uncomfortable.

Another thought...
We're gonna much a mega-load of miles on our car this year,
and likely will spend a small fortune in gas. :)

But I've got excited, happy kiddos today...
and I've gotta admit that the few hours of quiet in the morning while Carter naps and everyone else is gone, is kind of nice. And just THAT might make this whole school year worth it. :)

Dear kids...

There are a few things I wanted to remember about each of you that happened on our trip to Idaho this summer.

Jenna, You were such a great little passenger. You were always willing to help get people situated while traveling. You were the movie controller, the snack-getter, and the backseat comforter. You were fantastic. I loved how you instantly connected with your cousins and took off--we rarely saw you some days! You were always jumping on the trampoline, swinging, or playing somewhere!

One thing I specifically remember is when we attended Chris's baptism. You were very tuned in to what was happening around you. You paid close attention to the speakers and the baptism itself. And you talked about how you would get baptized soon--9 months to be exact. It was an ah-ha moment--where I could almost visibly see you feeling the spirit. I couldn't help but look and you in wonder...and amazement. You're getting so grown up--and I love {almost} every minute of it!



Kaden...

You are my funny traveler. You ALWAYS asked to go to the bathroom as we were passing the exit for the last glimpse of civilization for miles and miles. Needless to say, you filled a lot of water bottles on the road...desperate times called for desperate measures. :) On the way home, you colored in a coloring book for HOURS. I thought you were asleep at one point, but when I glanced back, there you were, coloring away--with the sun spilling over your body and highlighting your face and hair. You looked so peaceful...

One thing I loved was watching you with your cousins on this trip. You looked up to them so very much! I could just hear in your voice the excitement as you called out their names to come and play with you, or chased after them. You truly adored their company.

You enjoyed jumping on the trampoline, swinging on the swing set, and especially splashing in the puddles with Aunt Abby. I hope you have so many fond memories of this trip--because I sure do of you!







Spencer...

This trip was rough on you! You got sick several times--and I felt terrible about that! But you happily went along with whatever was going on--you played with cousins and laughed lots. You loved watching Uncle Noah play video games--loved it! And once you figured out it was a possibility, you loved your special spot on the couch at night.

We were driving home on your actual birthday--I wish we could have had that be different, but you didn't seem to mind. We picked up new coloring books on the way home, and checked out a Redbox movie of your choice--and we even stopped for dinner at Chili's to help celebrate. They happened to have a free kid's meal offer going on that day--so grandpa and I ordered a combo 2 for $20 meal and got a free appetizer, we ordered 4 free kids meals, and then because it was your birthday, they threw in a free GIANT piece of cheesecake. It was the most incredible $20 meal we've EVER eaten! lol. There was so much food--and you loved every minute of your celebration. :)



And oh, my little Carter man.

I am shocked, to be honest, that we survived this trip together. You had no mercy when it came to the sleep situation. We were sharing a room, and you could see me--and man did you make it clear that it was NOT okay to be away from me...and you did so multiple times a night. Granted, you were teething...and ended up having an ear infection...and were all sorts of confused and out of your element. But boy did you make me one tired momma!

You were also WAY too fearless. Both grandparents have stairs--and I was constantly trying to keep watch because you would shoot over to the stairs and try to get down them. I was so nervous! You loved to crawl up and sit down on a little bench grandma has in her dining room, and thought you were hot stuff doing so!

One day we moved your pack n' play at the last minute so we could pull out a trundle bed in the room we were staying. I didn't think anything of it till you got up from nap and it was discovered that you had a very hot iron in there with you that was scorching the sheet and mattress. Apparently there was an iron plugged in on the table we moved your crib by. It wasn't till later that we discovered 2 small burns on your fingers, but as far as we can tell, that's all. I cannot even begin to explain how blessed I feel because of this--I have no doubt you were watched over and angels made sure that iron fell the way it did. I can't believe it didn't fall ON you, or trap you in some way. Seeing the damage to the pack n' play made me feel so, so very aware of what you had escaped and how very merciful Heavenly Father is.

I love you all. I loved this trip with you--even when it was hectic and stressful and felt lonely because I was trying to do it alone. I love that we made memories together, and that you guys got a taste family and celebrations and HOME.

Love, mom

Snippits and Tidbits from our trip

I had a few pictures left that didn't quite need a whole post dedicated...but wanted to include them regardless.

While I was off shopping one night (p.s. LOVE that I was able to find shorts in Idaho! HOORAY) the kids got all set up in the backyard and had a big cousin campout. They had a blast...

This is my sweet niece Ellie-- :)

And as chance would have it, we saw for the second year in a row a DOUBLE RAINBOW in front of the house. IT WAS MAGNIFICENT! I wish I knew how to truly capture the splendor of such a sight.

The boys were able to have a special boy cousin sleepover with their cousin Gavin--they got to play at the lake and did all sorts of fun BOY things. :)

While they were off having a grand time, me and several others in my family did our tradition of going up to West Yellowstone to the Playmill theater. I've thought about this a lot--when people have mentioned there are closer places or cheaper shows, etc. I think what it comes down to for me is that it's a tradition. And sometimes it's not about what's cheaper or closer or more convenient. It comes down to memories that are made time and time again and rooted in the very core of your being. THAT, is what I love about Playmill...

p.s. FANTASTIC show. :) Very funny...


I loved this picture of Carter and my mom. He was always trying to help!

We had set aside one night to go out, and I intended for this to be Spencer's annual  family birthday dinner-out. Ironically, as the afternoon wore on, Spencer got more and more sick and spent the evening fast asleep on the couch. I FELT TERRIBLE. Really. But the dinner had to go on since we were running out of days to do it...thankful for my sister who hung out at home with the few sickies we had. But I still do feel bad that he missed out. :(



This is in Southern Utah as we were driving up--




While the picture below deserves it's own post, I am trying to let go of frustrating things and let bad haircuts be bad haircuts. haha...all kidding aside, my sisters and I made plans to be pampered at the beauty college in Rexburg. We've gone numerous times and always had a good experience. It's super cheap and a great way to indulge on things we otherwise couldn't afford.

I got a haircut first--after enjoying a scalp massage and such--and as we were nearing the end of the haircut, I saw a giant chunk of hair fall to the ground--hair from my bangs specifically. I WAS TERRIFIED to see the results. I knew there was a big problem when random people were coming by and nervously commenting things like, "your hair looks...um...really good." or "ooooh, that's very pretty!" When people go out of their way to comment things like that, there's a big problem at hand. :)

She turned me around. I cried. There was nothing more to do to fix my bangs....and in the end, my stylist had someone else come fix the rest of my hair that was butched. It was super awkward--because at that point even my stylist was crying. Ya...not a moment I ever care to repeat.

What was even worse afterwards, is that I then had to endure another hour with the SAME PERSON who butched my hair, while she did my pedicure.

Ever had an incredibly awkward moment that felt like it lasted FORRRRREVER? Ya? This was TOTALLY mine. So while my sisters got pedicures right next to me, I opted to stay out of the picture. Not only because of the bad haircut, but because the thought of asking "the girl who cried after doing a butch job on my hair who was then doing my pedicure" to take our picture was just more than I could handle. lol.


I think I am just about caught up now from our trip pics...we really did have a good time. :) And we laughed a lot. We cried...okay, I cried when I got incredibly overwhelmed with things...and we made a lot of memories. I love that my kids know their cousins just a little more...that we got a break from the blistering heatwave we're in right now, and that most important, we came home being so grateful to be a family and be together again! :)

2011 Hiatt Family reunion

One of the main reasons for embarking on our couple thousand mile 2 week journey was for our Hiatt family reunion! I had decided I wouldn't make it--since we had just moved and were settling in and such. But EVERYONE else was going to be there. EVERYONE. And you just can't miss out on fun like that. So my {awesome} dad flew down here, helped with a few home improvement projects, and then loaded up the car with the kids and I and we drove North.

Brandon, unfortunately, had to stay and work. And while it was a bummer and hard to leave him behind, I am glad I went--at least this time.  So we saved a spot to photoshop his cute self in our family picture.

We started the day attending the baptism of my nephew, Chris.
Followed up that event with lunch and attempted family photo shoots.
And the rest of the day was to play games, have our official Hiatt family meeting, big deliscoius dinner, and  rides on the 4 wheeler...

Best of all, we celebrated a few birthdays! August is a big month in our family (I think we counted  5 birthdays!), apparently. But we mainly celebrated Spencer (who turned 4) and my niece Hannah (who turned 3). Since we were driving back on Spencer's actual birthday, this was his chance to party hardy! lol He loved his little Spiderman cake...

And Hannah had an assortment of cute pirate cupcakes to share. So they made a wish, and blew out their candles. :)

Because we were traveling, there wasn't much to give. But I did happen to come across a Lego Star Wars shirt on major clearance at Sears...$1.50 and worth every penny. I could not believe this little guy got SO excited. He LOVES, LOVES, LOVES Lego Star Wars...but this was a whole other level! :)

He was completely content with that. Never asked for more. Just beamed.
If you ask me, it is us as parents who complicate the birthday scene...who give so much more than is ever expected or needed. I felt like this was proof of that...
Regardless, though, he was a happy guy, and everyone went to bed very sugared up that night.

Sunday was the day of sickness. Several people woke up sick--refer back to the sugared up part--because I think that played a major role in things. Most everyone seemed to come around by the afternoon and the kids were back to their cousin-playing, trampoline-jumping selves by dinnertime...just in time to load up plates of lasagna and salad and bread...and grandma's famous apple crisp.

{Nathan-brother-in-law and Esther - sister}

This picture made me laugh...my niece Emma was just not thrilled with the camera pointed at her.
 It cracked me up. :)

And her brother Matthew was hiding in an attempt to avoid dinner of any kind. 

We were SO lucky to have some family friends from Oklahoma in town at the same time we were there. We love the Hannah family, and were thrilled to see Dave and Summer, and their son Andrew who were passing through. Wishing we could have seen the rest of their crew too! darn it...

{summer, and my mom}

My sisters and I...

{me, Sarah, Esther, Abby}

And my siblings...

L-R
(back) Noah, Adam, Jared
(front) me, Sarah, Abby, Esther
missing...Caleb, who had to leave early

L-R
{my mom, me, Summer, David}

I loved seeing everyone this trip--loved all the cousin playing and girl time and shopping...loved the eating out, the traditions,  and taking time to make memories together.

And I look forward to 2013... :)

Holloway Day!

Haha....bet I had ya thinking there was some official holiday or something of the sort. Nope...just needed a catchy little title to talk about seeing Brandon's sisters and mom one last time before we left town. 

We met up at a local fast food establishment and let the kids play and play, ate sub-par greasy goods, and had a fun time chatting. While it was short, it was a blast. :)

from left to right,

Chelsi, Anita (his mom) Cassie, and Tia...and then the wee munchkins in there as well.

And seriously now...these ladies are all so dang tiny! I look like a sasquatch next to them!

Sigh...

                                                           
                                                                          LOVE YOU ALL!!!! :)

Duck feeding and sno-cone eating

One of our last days in Idaho we just had to head down to the greenbelt to feed the ducks, and get sno-cones from the train.

The kids asked for a non-existent funny flavor--Star Wars--and I was grateful the sno-cone girl made something up on the spot and mixed a red and green flavor and called it Return of the Jedi. Really, the kids don't care about flavors--it's the title that makes it all for them. lol.

Me, Abby, and Carter's backside.

After a traumatizing goose experience in Ohio, I wasn't sure if Kaden would go for a duck-feed. But he did. And he did pretty well, all things considered.

But the more the kids fed, the more the ducks and geese came...

And we had some shouting and screaming and crying there for a bit...from all of them.
It's one of those experience where you try really hard not to laugh.
Sounds terrible, I know. 

I felt SO blessed that the weather was so incredibly nice when we were there. Sunny, 80's most of the time, cool evenings, an occasional rain storm. It was perfect!