to stop life.
To have a good cry.
and then move on.
Because as much as I have tried to focus on the good this week,
the truth is, the birthday magic just wasn't here this year.
Much of that had to do with the fact that I was COMPLETELY sleep deprived...
awake for the day from about 2 a.m. when I got up with the little man.
and when you're running on ZERO sleep, it's hard to get going and feel energetic.
Ya know?
Birthdays are supposed to be lucky...right?
It's where you find the bargain of the century or get that parking spot right in front of the door...
not where you get a call from school with a sick kid an hour after they get there,
and you bake 3 different failed batches of cookies,
and your daughter is mad and refuses to say "I love you" back...
Don't get me wrong.
I've loved my time with the kids as we've had our little dates.
I loved all the well wishes from friends and family.
and have truly had some fun things happen this week.
But despite my efforts to stay busy and preoccupied with stuff,
there is also an unmentioned, and yet undeniable stress looming.
Waiting...waiting...for Monday.
To know if Brandon will be placed in a program, or have to scramble to find one.
And while I felt a great sense of peace and know we will be where we need to,
there is also the anxiety of waiting.
He's anxious. Nervous. Stressed.
I am mainly just anxious.
But together is all just rolls up into an explosion of emotions. :)
And so I am protesting cooking dinner tonight.
And I'm going to scrub my kitchen like my life depends on it...
and have a good little cry.
Because a little sleep, and a little time off does wonders.
And there is still hope of finishing off this week with a bang!
12 comments:
ohh i completely understand!!
as my wise mom-in-law says "sometimes you just have to cry the floor clean."
it helps tons!
i wish i lived by you, then i could come help and we could turn your frown upside down :D
I'm sorry Rach :( Sounds like we need to do a little girls date together--Danny has spring break next week, so we should plan something :) Let me know if you need anything--seriously! Love ya girl :)
Dont scrub the kitchen, go take a nap!! :) We cant wait to find out where you are going! If you end up in the scramble, it will be for the best. We love this program more than any of the programs we were hoping to match with. Cant wait to hear the results, you have to keep us posted!
I hear ya! I felt pretty much the same on my birthday this (last) year.
Let yourself have a good cry...it definitely makes everything better.
I'm sorry, Rachel. I know your stress and anxiety well. I had to go see my dr today and get something to take for mine because my body is covered in rashy patches from all the stress and anxiety of the past month. Have a good cry, it's always so cleansing for me. ((hugs))
ugh...Waiting is so hard! We have never realized how much stress waiting for answers has been until we get the answer and the pressure is off...We'll be praying for you!
I hate feeling this way...my 30th Birthday was horrible! I cried at least 3 times! I thought I was just hormonal having a new baby and all, but it was just not a fun time.
And a lot of time, a good cry is all you need. It will release all of the tension built up inside!
Hope the rest of the week is better!!
I've just stumbled on your blog this week and although you don't know me, I wanted to wish you well. I had a terrible "mom" day on Tuesday--long story but it involved my second grade son being gone from the house for 45 minutes without me knowing because we were mad at each other, making a disgusting dinner and balking rudely at my husband's new haircut. Fail times three. Knowing I'm not alone in my (usually short-lived) downward dips is comforting to me. Tomorrow is a new day--thank you, Scarlett O'Hara. :)
First of all, happy birthday!!! Hope it was great. Second, you look amazing! You are such a skinny minny. Third, crying is totally fine. It's our outle, and the best way us females know how to show our emotions. I'm stressed about residency too, and it's TWO YEARS away. Can't even imagine how you're feeling. It will work out....you'll go where you're meant to go. This program is beyond stressful isn't it? I told Devin it is by far the best and worst two years so far of our married life. Best of luck!! Keep us updated!
I'm sorry it didn't go how you planned. Life has a way of knocking you down...and I'm sorry you had a sick kid and horrible cookie making experience! There's always next year...haha
First..Happy Birthday!! Second..I have so many days like this. I think you are incredible and such a good example to so many of us. Hope the match goes good for you guys..I know we are nervous..and anxious. Let me know if I can every do anything for you!
I am so sorry you had such a bad day. Life is just tough sometimes...I know. I hope things got better this weekend.
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